Shots, Foreskin, and Sleepless Nights

No, this entry isn't about one of my nights in college, despite the "spicy" title. Still just about my baby and weekly life updates. This has been one helluva week. Today, I was thinking that maybe I should give Ryan a bath because it felt so long since he'd had one. Tuesday. He had his bath Tuesday. And he hated it. I wash cloth him down every night before bed (I think I just made wash cloth into a verb), but we do the big ol bath time only once a week, and that night for us is Tuesday. It feels decades ago. That's just how busy I've been. And exhausted.

Happy baby face

 Despite the endless amounts of problems in my life that rely on only me to fix, this has been quite a successful week on the mommy spectrum. I GOT RYAN TO SLEEP IN HIS CRIB THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT!!! I know co-sleeping is a huge baby hazard these days (how did any of us ever survive before all this research came out?), however that's what Ryan and I have been doing. He snuggles in my bed with me for the night. Now that my husband may be coming home next month (or in March, or in July, or whenever the army decides they're going to send him to me), I really wanted my new years resolution to be getting Ryan to sleep in his crib so my husband and I could have the bed to ourselves (and the three dogs.. ) and just be able to cuddle each other rather than me worrying about barricading our baby from anything touching him throughout the night. That was a huge factor in my decision. The second factor was.. he's a very kicky baby. I have sensitive skin so him constantly kicking his little footie pajamas all over my arms was the most irritating thing to have to sleep with. Over it.

Now do I miss cuddling him? So very much. It takes every ounce of me not to get up when he fusses in the middle of the night. Okay, maybe not every ounce... there's a good chunk of me that really doesn't want to leave my nest of blankets. But I do. I do miss his tiny little body all bundled up in my arms. I miss those 3 am mornings where he kicks me, I wake up, and he gives me that giant smile and just talks to me for 20 minutes until we both finally give in to sleep. I miss watching his itty bitty stomach going up and down with each breath as he sleeps so perfectly peaceful. But I know it's better for him and my marriage that he's in his crib.

He decided he was tired of sitting up and just laid there on my lap staring at the ceiling. Such a rough life.

How did I do it? Patience. We started off all nap time at home in the crib. If he only slept in there 10 mins at a time, then that was fine, but I wanted him to at least start his naps there, even if he ended up in the swing or my arms. Same with bed time. I didn't want him to think of his crib as this terrible, lonely place. As time went on, naps got longer and bed time in there lasted til 10, midnight, 2am, then FINALLY til morning! Now, he's only slept through the night once so far. I hear him wake up on occasion and fuss until he falls asleep. They're sleepy cries (and they keep me up, I'm back to that initial motherhood exhaustion). If he gives me real cries then yes, I'll get him out of his crib and let him come back to bed with me, but so far, I haven't heard those type of cries this week. I get the bed to myself. Myself and puppies, who all have missed being able to cuddle me. I've missed my morning dose of Cato cuddles-he usually wakes me up with hugs. It's nice to get those little moments back.

On Friday, he finally went in for his 4 month shots. Poor baby. He cried so hard that no sound came out until the third shot. It was so sad. I picked him up and he was fine. However, his little legs were so sore last night. I know this because every time I changed his diaper, put on pants, or held him with bent legs, he screamed. He was so fussy all day and just cried for a good three hours resisting sleep until he finally passed out about 8:30. My little angel. He was a little sad and mopey today and it was super sweet. I gave him extra cuddles and love this afternoon. I really don't want to have to do this to him again in another two months :( But it's for the best, I know. It just breaks my heart to see him so sad. I think the absolute worst part about it was as soon as I lay him down for the shots, he gave me his giant smile and then his face suddenly dropped into a scream as the needle went in. So awful.

I've been so exhausted this week that my eye watered for 2 1/2 days nonstop. That tends to happen when I'm tired. My right eye physically cries and I can't do anything about it. It's super embarrassing to have to explain to people that I'm not sad. That, and I can't really see out of that side when it's constantly watery. I went to Papa Murphy's to pick up a pizza, and turned around and totally tripped over a wet floor sign because of my blindness. The guy told me he thought I dropped my baby. Nope, baby's fine. I'm just an idiot.

This face. I'm so in love. 

Oh, so a weird thing that I found out at our doctors appointment a couple weeks ago: circumcisions can grow back. Kind of. I've noticed his skin keeps riding it's way up and I use a wipe and try to move it down to look like a normal penis. My doctor told me that I need to keep moving it down as far as it'll go, otherwise it can get stuck and they'd have to basically snip it off again, or re-circumcise. UMMM WHAT???? I had no idea that could happen. I don't have a penis, so I really don't know much about this situation, but what I do know is that I hate touching it. The skin is really sticky. Almost like the toes of a tree frog. It sticks to the diaper and to the head of the penis and my fingers when I try to move it. I really don't know how long I'll have to keep doing this until it just decides to be regular and stay put. #mommyproblems

Speaking of penises... penii? Ryan is almost to the point that he'll start touching his. He's such a little explorer with those hands and he keeps stealing the wipe I use to cover his peep so he doesn't shoot pee at my face. It's pretty cute though, he'll grab the wipe and try to eat it and give me giant smiles at the same time like, "Look what I found, mom!" But he's getting awfully close to his junk. I'm so not ready for this! Before I know it, I'm going to have to have that "Don't touch your peepee" talk. And the worst part is that I'm totally a realist, so I'll probably end up saying something like, "That's something you shouldn't do around girls, or in public, but if you're all alone with no one around, then it's okay." Gahh I'm dreading these moments. It's bad enough that I have to have that talk with my husband. KIDDING! (or am I?) I even have that talk with my dogs (They hear common commands of "Put your weiner away" or "Don't lick your cooter".) I'm not ready to have it with my sweet, little angel baby. Why is there so much genitalia in this household???

Other than that, I started teaching a new Zumba class this week and it went really well!! The new gym even has a good child area and the girl is AWESOME with Ryan. That is a huge relief. He made it through on his first day there. So impressive. I'm also now working on a Couch to 10K goal for myself (one of my other NY resolutions is to run a 10K) so today was my first day doing their program. I started at Week 4 since I'm not quite a couch potato. I ran for 5 mins then walked for 3 and did that 4 times. Not too bad. My legs are wiped, however not to the point that I'm already planning to give up. I'm excited to work on this.

I do have good news about my hubby. He packed his bags and they're on their way home! Now does that mean he comes home early? Not necessarily. But at least it's a good start. It's so stressful not really knowing what is going to happen. I want to do an all day Zumba program to have more experience than just Basic 1, but I don't know if I'll have him home late march to watch the baby or not. Hopefully we'll find out sooner than later. Let's just say that being an army wife has really taught me a lesson in patience, problem solving, adapting to change, and being extremely independent.

"They should’ve warned me that becoming a mommy would absolutely change every single thing, but that I would never want to go back and visit the “old” me, not even for a second." ~Born To Be a Bride (see below link)

In case you all haven't picked up on this yet, I absolutely love being a mommy. We've been listening to a toddler radio Pandora station, and he adores the kids songs they sing and it melts my heart. And it's been bringing back memories of songs I forgot existed. This one in particular struck me:

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away."

Growing up, I never really understood the phrase, "You'll never know, dear, how much I love you." I thought, Um... duh. You say all the time you love me, so I know. But now when I hear this song as a mom, I realize how very true the lyrics are. This boy is never going to know just how much I love him. How much my heart bursts through my chest when I see him smile. How I have no idea how I can possibly miss him when he's only been napping for an hour. How I tear up just thinking of anything bad ever happening to him. How I know that I would kill with my bare hands just to keep him safe always and forever. He is my everything and I love him so much more than words can say.

But the most extraordinary thing is, no matter how much I love this child, I still love my husband more. I love him so much for having given me this little blessing. I cannot wait for him to be by my side enjoying every second of parenthood with me. I love my family so much!!! Even now as I type, I have all three dogs curled up around me and I don't think I could be any happier this very second. We are one damn cute family. All 6 of us! Oy...

I read this article today that does a really good job summing up what I'm trying to express in those last two paragraphs. I basically bawled as I read it. It's called, You Should Have Warned Me, so go read it with a tissue or two :)

I believe that is all I have to say right now. Time for a Saturday night date with Netflix and my bed. This tired girl needs it!