2 Weeks Down, A Lifetime to Go

Week 2 has been COMPLETELY different than week one. The first week with this baby was so much easier!!! What happened?!? First of all, I am a very organized person who loves to live life in an organized fashion. I crave routine and structure, so this whole baby thing doesn't quite fit my lifestyle. Good news is I expected that so it wasn't a surprise that I can't get my baby on a routine by week two, however that doesn't mean that makes it any easier for me to break my habit of being organized. It's really hard not to be uptight when that's my personality.

I'm also not the kind of person who can easily sit around watching TV, Netflix, etc. I like being on my feet and I'm a little OCD with my hands-they need to be doing something at all times. When people say I should be resting when the baby sleeps, well, they must not realize that to me, doing dishes and laundry is more peaceful than an afternoon nap on the couch. I'm just not that kind of person and I never have been. Given, if I'm tired enough, I will fall asleep during the day. So my challenges with week two include breastfeeding, sleeping, and getting baby to sleep.

2 weeks PP. Not going to lie, I'm jealous of myself. I look amazing and even got checked out in the grocery store today. It was a good day haha!

The first half of this week was a struggle of jug-gles? Okay, I tried to get that to rhyme. Fail. Week one, I told ya'll-Ryan was a food monger. He ate like it was his job. Week 2 comes along and suddenly he's just not that hungry anymore. Well, my boobies got the memo that they needed to keep refilling themselves for hour-long feeding seshes. I couldn't stop leaking everywhere! Ryan would start eating, and when he pulled away, his face would drown in my breast milk. I thought he peed on me at one point (he's peed on me a few times now) but it turns out my nip was just leaking milk and I wasn't paying attention. Poor guy was drenched from the waste down. I've been on the search for the perfect breast pad. Disposable ones barely last me a few hours during the day and lose their stickiness, then they leak through my shirt. So I've started using them at night. I found "soothies" to wear during the day-basically a reusable gel pad. O.M.G. they are so comfy and they really are soothing- like their name. Drawback? They only last a few days and are expensive. I bought a different brand of gel pad that I'm going to test out once these are no longer of use, but I think having gel during the day and disposable at night is working "breast" for me. Should I stop using puns? Probably.

While breast feeding on the other side, this chaos was going on. The whole right half of my shirt was drenched.  I am not kidding when I say I am a dairy farm. 

I am a terrible mom. I'm not leaving my baby in the car for 7 hours or anything-not that terrible, but the one thing every pamphlet says is not to fall asleep with your baby (SIDS!)-whether it's in the bed, tummy time, or wherever. Baby should always be put safely back in his crib. I think I've fallen asleep breast feeding for the last three nights in a row now. And not just dozing for 10 minutes, it's a good hour or so that I pass out. I can't help it! I'm a tired mommy. This girl likes her beauty sleep. I have been trying to start getting ready for bed at about 7 each night (LAME!) When I can start off with a good three hours of sleep, things are fine, but when Ry wakes up every hour-that's when my tired body can't handle the night.

Unfortunately, he's been doing hour increments more and more as the days pass. It sucks because one of two things will happen. Scenario 1: he'll wake up, I'll feed him, change him, and then as soon as I put him down, he'll start fussing so I pick him up (trying not to wake Daddy) and rock him til he falls back asleep. Then as soon as he does, I put him down and he wakes up again to keep the cycle going. Sometimes, it takes him an hour before he stays asleep in his basinet. Scenario 2: He wakes up, I feed him, he eats for 5 mins and falls asleep while eating. I put him down. He then wants to wake up every hour to get in a 5 minute food binge then sleep. These are the kind of nights that make me die a little inside each day.

Oh Hi. I'm cute when I actually sleep. 

I have been extremely emotional lately. It may be hormones, it may be lack of sleep, or it may be because I have an legitimate reason to be sad all the freaking time. G finally went back to work on Friday. We found out that there's a chance he's deploying next week rather than in three, which was the original plan. Am I surprised? No. I knew shit would hit the fan as it always does and it wouldn't be smooth sailing through October. I just really hope we find out Monday what the exact date that he's leaving is, and I hope even more he gets to stay til the 15th.

With that being said, Friday (his 1st day back at work) was a struggle doing it alone. It took me FOR.EV.ER. To get showered and ready for the day. I started getting ready at 9:30am because I knew Ryan and I had to leave at 1 to run errands before the deployment ceremony at 2. I still left 5 minutes behind schedule. Getting ready is an all day occurrence. Well, at least if I want to look showered and made up. Otherwise, I could have skipped that part and been out of the house in an hour. A shower bonus: blow drying my hair puts him to sleep! Yay. Also, it's going to be so hard not being able to rely on G in the middle of the night or in the morning so I can get those extra 2 hours of sleep. Oh, and did I mention we took Belle to an ophthalmologist this week ($170 just for an eye exam because he's a specialist-oy!) and we now are expected to go from 2 drops a day to giving her 9 drops a day-4 different types of drops. That is exhausting on it's own. My poor girl. However, I'll do what I have to so my baby girl is happy and healthy. Three dogs+nine eye drops+one baby-one husband=my hell hole. I think the best thought in the world is knowing that one year from today, we'll all be in Georgia and settled in, which means I have less than a year to get through with this craziness. One year is a tiny fraction of my life (aprox 1/80th). That's do-able.

My Denali bug hanging out with Ry Ry. The pups are so sweet with him! 

So back to my point. I tend to break down into tears easily. Thinking about how much I'll miss my husband will set me off. That hasn't changed-I've been like that during pregnancy, HOWEVER the smallest things will get me thinking about him leaving so it seems like I cry and random crap. Example: Today I watched the parent trap (Lindsay Lohan version-not the old one, which I think is the better one) and I started bawling at the end when they fall in love because it reminded me that I'm in love and that he's leaving me. Dramatic? YES. Or, we rented "Think Like a Man Too" with Kevin Hart. At the end, they all fall in love, and it reminded me that I am in love, and he's leaving me. See the trend? Or yesterday, I was rushing to get to the ceremony and some a-hole completely cut me off and I started crying. That one had nothing to do with the deployment, I was just really pissed and overly tired, but still. Emotional, this gal is. Is it hormones, my lack of sleep or the fact that I have a legit reason? Who's to say-it can be a mixture of all of the above. I'm starting to think I should wear a warning sign so people aren't alarmed.

Another Ryan update: his umbilical chord fell out!!! YESSSS that thing was nasty. I can't believe some people save those. I couldn't look directly at it without wanting to vom all over. Speaking of gross things people do, when we got him circumcised, the pediatrician told us that some parents like to keep the foreskin!!! GAHHHHH. What kind of freaks are there out there? (Tell me if that's you so I can re-think our friendship, pah-lease.) He said that some people have had it made into a bead and then make jewelry with it. Goodness. Talk about a Christmas gift I'd never want to receive! Excuse me while I gag.

I think those are my only updates from this week. I can't believe it's been two weeks already. I mean I can because every night seems to drag on and on and on. It feels more like a month than 2 weeks in all honesty. I still don't feel like a mom. I look in the mirror while holding my baby and he still seems more like an accessory than a part of my family. I thought I would have this amazing feeling of motherhood when I had him, but I feel like the exact same person. It's a good thing he can't understand me because I still curse like a sailor at times and sing inappropriate songs that pop on up shuffle while I'm trying to rock him back to sleep. He does seem to respond really well to classical music though, so I try to youtube Beethoven or Vivaldi or whomever else pops up on there. (P.S. I'm really not a bad mom, I think I'm doing rather well at taking care of this munchkin.)

I'm two weeks today! Look at me in my Daddy-Proof shirt. 

Tonight we are moving him from our bedroom to his crib. He looks so little in it! But I think he likes the flat surface more than the fitted basinet. He seems to fuss less when we put him down in there. So hopefully that goes well for tonight. If not, I have a Starbucks pumpkin spiced latte in the fridge waiting to be heated up tomorrow morning. Okay, that is all for now. Lots of love to anyone who reads this :) Send the sandman my way!