New Year, New Goals

It seems like every other year I get to spend with my man. Our first nye together we spent at Panama City Beach watching fireworks while laying on the beach in the sand. The year after that, he had to work. Last year, we got a hotel room in Anchorage and after lots of champagne and seafood (and, we later found out I was pregnant) I passed out at 10pm. This year, he's again working overseas. Hopefully next year we get to do something AWESOME and I'll totally make it til midnight.

Last year. New Years Eve in Anchorage. We made fun of the terrible hippie fire dancers, drank and ate lots in our hotel room, and watched the fireworks from our window. 

I'm not going to lie, I really don't care about staying up til midnight this year. I think I've had enough late nights the last few months that I'm over it. I wish I could also say that I'm super excited to ring in a new year and start some new goals, but I'm finding it kind of hard to get motivated this year. Probably because it takes all of my energy just to get through each day juggling dogs, baby, and everything else that I do.

January 4th I found out I was pregnant! This was from our first ultrasound at 11 weeks. Our little donut baby!

Right now, I have 5 dogs in my house (I have an extra 2) and sadly, all of my efforts are going to not letting there be any bloodshed. The two guests are such good dogs! It's mine who are the monsters. Belle at first attacked one of the two a few times at the beginning. She's never done that before so I was not happy. I've had my eye on her ever since and haven't let her play. She's super sad that she doesn't get to join into the craziness, however that's what she gets for being aggressive. Maybe she'll learn next time. As soon as she calmed down, my two boys starting being aggressive out of no where again!! Luckily, it's not towards the guest dogs, just to each other, however that also causes stress knowing that once our house guests are gone, I've still got a big problem on my hands that won't go away. Little do they know that I'm thinking of chop chopping those balls of this spring. I'm not going to have aggressive dogs in my house with a baby around or when guests come over. Nuh uh, I deal with enough right now.

Visit from my bff during Fur Rhondy!

I do have lots of goals for next year. This year, my goal was to run 5ks. This summer, I want to run a 10k. For me, that's a big deal. I'm not a running and I find it hard to train because 1. If I push myself too hard, my shoulder tenses up and causes extreme pain and 2. I don't want to overdo anything that may get in the way of me teaching Zumba to the best of my ability. If I'm sore and tired, then it's not worth it. So I very gradually let myself get better at running and try to give myself lots of days off.

Finishing my first 5K!

I also want to do a pull up. I have a shoulder issue that's been painful for years. Years. I'm at the point where I can't imagine what life would be like if I wasn't uncomfortable all the time. I've been doing needle therapy this month on it, and they did electromagnetic therapy the other day-which was so insanely weird feeling! With that being said, I need to strengthen my back muscles to help me out, and I also want to strengthen my upper body in general. Mostly because this baby isn't getting any smaller so I could use the extra muscles to carry his big ol belly.

Paining at Arctic Crown Canvas on Easter while G was away at JRTC

I always have this on my list. Eat healthier. I need help with this one. I'm such a sugar addict. It's awful. I binge on sugar. In fact, I had two bags of M&Ms and a milky way earlier tonight. I want to eliminate that from my diet. I never have "just one" dessert. I can eat the whole pie if I wanted to. So in 2015, I want to try to get my sugars from fruits rather than dessert (I also just ate a pear). Artificial sweeteners aren't any better. I don't want chemicals ingested to replace sugar. It's worse. And the problem is that there's sugar in so many every day things I eat so I really don't need to be adding more. That, and I want to set a good example for Ryan as he grows up. I want him to live in a healthy household full of fruits and vegetables.

Our adventure to Denali-no dogs

Less TV, more reading. This one isn't too hard for me. It's more so when my husband comes home. I'm okay with waking up and reading with my cup of coffee (if Ryan allows). Unless I'm on a Netflix binge, then I'd rather listen to music as background music throughout the day. I pretty much only watch Ellen at 4. Plus, everything I've been reading about infants says that they shouldn't be watching TV before the age of 2. They are enthralled by the movement of images on the screen, but the time they spend watching it is time they should be spending on "self exploring" and they should learn to be entertained by human interaction instead. I'm very supportive of that idea. I don't want my kids to be overrun by technology. If my kid is acting up, I don't want to hand him an iPod to keep him quiet-I think that's terrible parenting. Think you want to wish me good luck? Well guess what? Generations of kids grew up with an imagination and patience to self entertain while their parents are busy. Suck it. So will mine.

Brigade Ball

Other goals, lets see.. I know we'll be moving to Georgia before the end of the year. We'd like to be homeowners down there. That's a big goal. I want to get us out of some debt in 2015 and build our savings. I want to find a way to make a little bit more money to help out with our finances. I want to stay on track with keeping Ryan happy and healthy. I want to get my dogs fixed and attempt to train them from being too insane when people come.

Color Run

I also want to work on my marriage. We don't have problems or anything, but I want us to grow together as parents and work on ways to find time for just us two amongst our chaotic household. Plus, we may have problems when he comes home. Who knows. I've been working so hard on getting into a routine to get everything accomplished by myself. Knowing me, I may find it hard to accept help and learn to relax while he takes care of things. And maybe he'll need to learn patience of getting a crying baby to sleep or having the tv off to appreciate the little things Ryan does. We'll see. I can't wait for him to come home and share my new life as a mom with him. I hate missing all the cute things Ryan does with my phone. I want him to be there for all the little moments.

Baby shower

I want to work on myself as well. I want to find time to do things for me. I find it so hard to spend money on myself. Already in January, I'm trying to talk myself out of a haircut because the dogs need to be groomed, we have bills to pay, we owe another $90 towards charges, I want to get the dogs fixed, Belle has a vet apt, I'm getting life insurance, and who knows what else will pop up in the next 30 days. But I'm going to. I'm going to spend money on my hair because it hasn't been cut since the summer. I will. I will. I promise.

Whale Cruise

Lastly, it'd be nice if I could somehow manage a vacation for Greg and I next year. There are so many places I want to go. I want to go to Mexico, Vegas, Orlando to Harry Potter world, or make our road trip from Alaska to Georgia full of lots of stops and exploring. The road trip. I also have the goal of surviving that road trip without us all killing each other. It's going to SUCK. I'm going to look for patience and optimism and laugh at our misery. I guess that's actually how I get through each day-laughing at my misfortunes. It's better than pouting.

Our little man!

I mostly made this post to organize my thoughts. As I've mentioned before, I write to benefit myself because it's a stress relief. Looking back 2014 has been a pretty good year. There's so much I've done that I'm grateful for. Life is a gift and it's short so I try to appreciate it and live each day as best as I can. So looking back, I can't say I have regrets from this year. I've accomplished so much, had new experiences, and loved the people in my life the best that I can (even though it's sometimes hard to do so from a distance). I've stayed true to myself, and since I strongly believe in karma, I took the high road many a times when I've wanted to scream in (a lot a lot a lot) peoples' faces.

Trick or Treating

So cheers. Cheers to a new year to learning more about myself as a person, about seeing what accomplishments I can make, about putting myself in uncomfortable positions to have new experiences, to build and grow as a Zumba instructor and maybe look for something that will bring in more dinero. Cheers to new friends, old friends, a growing family, and the craziness of life. Okay 2015, I'm ready. Let's do this.

Baby's First Christmas

Now that Christmas is over, I have a confession: I had been listening to Christmas music nonstop since November 1st. Ask me what new songs are out? I have no idea. And I didn't get sick of Christmas music either. In fact, I'd still listen to it if 98.9 didn't switch back. Despite the fact that this was my first Christmas alone, I was SO excited for Christmas this year. And I know, I know.. I'm not alone, I have my baby and the dogs, but it's not like they'll play games with me, or bake cookies with me or join me for a big Christmas dinner. And you know what? I was very okay with a low-key Christmas.

Ryan and Daddy

Christmas Eve was awesome. Ryan rolled for the first time! I was soooo excited watching him so very slowly work his way from his tummy to his back. He went halfway and I grabbed my phone and recorded it for daddy to watch his first roll as well!!! SO awesome that he was able to experience that with me. I then taught a Christmas Eve Zumba class, which, of course, was awesome because I love what I do and I love that I have energy to do it and I love that it gives me a huge stress relief from life in general. Ryan did poop once during class and they made me go change his diaper, but the class was super understanding about it and didn't mind that I took a 4 min hiatus. Plus, I gave them body rolls to work on while I was gone.

Baby's First Christmas

Then we came home and Skyped my sister and her boys. Every year, my family makes gingerbread houses so we set up the table and all decorated our houses together while bonding through the computer. Technology is such a wonderful thing sometimes.

We put out Christmas cookies out for Santa, took a bath, put our Christmas jammies on, then read The Night Before Christmas and went to bed to wait for morning to come. And guess what? Santa came and filled our stockings!!!

Putting out cookies for Santa

We woke up and Skyped daddy and he watched Ryan "open" his stocking (and my stocking too). Then G got to open his presents. I made him a little canvas of Ryan's footprints. He loved it :) And of course, he had already opened his gift the week before because I'm a sucker and let him manipulate me. Then I opened my gifts. OH MY did my man spoil me this year. He got me a Zumba tank top, earrings, silk pjs with matching slippers, panties and lip gloss from VS, AND really awesome Thank You cards (which I had on my Christmas list). Now people need to start doing random acts of kindness or buy gifts or send money so I can send them a thank you :p HA! I'm such a lucky girl. I don't know what I did to deserve all those gifts. I didn't get to have him home for Christmas like I'd asked Santa, but those came in second.

Me and my man

I think I Skyped everyone twice that day. Ryan decided to take a  4 hour nap which sucked because I really really wanted to play with him and his toys! I was so impatient. At one point, my mom called to Skype me. I told her Ryan was sleeping and her response was, "Oh, well we can Skype later then." Umm... My own mother! No one cares about my beautiful face these days, which is fine. I guess Ryan's face is a trillion times cuter. I stare at it all the time and can't help but smile.

Ryan got lots and lots of new toys! People were so generous with him. I couldn't believe it. He's such a lucky boy and he's going to grow up so very loved. That's all I can ever ask of family. I just want him to always know how loved he is no matter what the circumstance. Wrap that up and put it under the tree. Bam. I'm such a good mom for saying that.

New Shark Stuffed Animal

Oh, and of course, Santa brought the pups some treats and I got them some new toys (part of which I've already found in Belle's poop).

Christmas was such a success this year. I am so very grateful for Skype and being able to talk to my husband all of Christmas morning and the rest of my family throughout the day. It's like I got to be home without having to travel, and still get to sleep in my own bed. I'm even thankful that I didn't have to cook. I bought a giant pizza for my Christmas dinner. Pizza and Christmas movies were the perfect combo this year. It's exactly what a crazy, stressed out mama needs sometimes.

Ryan opened his present from Mommy and Daddy! He pulled the tissue paper out

I couldn't have been more appreciative with how everything turned out this year. (And then Belle attacked another dog, but that's a different story for another day.) Thanks to all who played some part in it one way or another :)

I can't believe how much easier and harder things get at the same time. Life seems to be constant. When one thing goes up, another thing goes down, like in that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine and George trade their ups and downs but Jerry stays balanced. If you know the episode I'm talking about, then consider yourself a closer friend than we were 30 seconds ago.

Ryan is such a grown boy. He's almost out of his 0-3 month clothes and getting into his big boy 6 month sizes. He has SO much clothes now, and I know people are going to keep sending more and more. We have enough to seriously last until his first birthday. I am so grateful to have too much than to have too little, however with the holidays going on, I almost want to just go donate half of his closet to families that have nothing. I ordered a bunch of Dr. Suess books for him, and the exact day they came in the mail was the day I read that the Zumba charity event I was working was looking for children's books for a center that is a safe house for abused woman. I donated them instead of hoarding them on our shelves with the other books that we have. We have so much, why not give to people who don't? That's what civilization is SUPPOSED to be about-however so many people have thrown the concept of community out the window for consumerism.

Big Boy chillin on the couch

ANYWAY... Ry is getting more and more used to day care!!!! It's SUCH a relief to me. Last week, he was in day care 4 times, and then at the event I went to on Saturday, he got passed around to different people. He's getting to the point where he doesn't cry the entire time lol. It seriously lifts a giant weight off my shoulders knowing 1. He isn't miserable the whole time and 2. He's getting used to other people instead of just me. I use his day care time to go to the gym and either teach or just work out for me. That hour of me time is what gets me through every day. Without it, I think I'd be super edgy and angry. I even went to my first yoga class since pre-baby and it felt AMAZING! My body is thankful.

My mommy fail of the week: Every year, I make a family Christmas cookie recipe. I made them on Friday. I ate so many cookies that night that the next two days, Ryan's poop smelled like a bakery! He pooped, and I salivated for cookies. Haha! Just a friendly reminder that what I eat still affects his sweet little body. I am such a sugar addict, but I really am trying to be good for his nutritional needs. And mine, I guess.

Oh, so I mentioned that life is staying constant. Ryan is getting better at day care, but he's getting worse at sleeping. This kid resists sleep like it's his job. It could be that I'm forcing him to start naps and bedtime (when we're home) in his crib rather than the swing or just sleeping in my arms. Or, we'll have a  really good morning getting everything ready to go for a busy day and then Belle suddenly gets conjunctivitis in her eye and it's huge and red so I have to start antibiotics and I'm terrified to leave her alone all day. It's just stuff like that.

<3

I still don't know when G is coming home. I have better odds at guessing a coin toss at this point. It makes it even more stressful because visitors tell me, "Well, we'll wait and see what his plans are before we visit." Well, plans change every freaking day in the army and nothing, and I mean NOTHING is 100%. Ever. And even if he did get to come home early, I still won't get to see him except for weekends and possibly before I go to sleep. I would still appreciate help with the baby (which is why people want to visit in the first place). He doesn't work a 9-5 job. I don't think people quite get that. Oh well. It's going to be a long winter.. and I know it.

The good news is today is winter solstice!!! Which means that it's the darkest day in Alaska and tomorrow, we start gaining sunlight. I have to make sure my runs are before 9:30 and 3, otherwise I might get stuck in the dark and I don't want to risk my baby getting hit. It'll be nice to have a bigger window to go for a run. It's been snowing today, but I went for a run nonetheless. I am a competitive person, even with myself. If a challenge presents itself, I like to be able to tell myself that I did it. However, I also have to be careful not to overdo anything so I have full energy to teach my classes. That's priority! Teaching is the one thing that's mine at this point, and I'm not letting that go.

In case you haven't picked this up from my other posts... my little man has stolen my heart!!! When he takes long naps in the day (which is he right now) I miss him! And I get excited when I hear him wake up so I can give his cuddles and kisses and see his sweet smile. I was telling another spouse last night that I was never really a baby person and I really don't like kids, but I'm obsessed with my man and now I love all babies and am starting to appreciate kids. I think she was surprised (I'm guessing she has a similar outlook that I did). I am just constantly surprised at how much I didn't know about life and love until he came into my life. Every day is so exciting with him and seeing all of the tiny accomplishments he makes that are a huge deal!

Trying out some new things

He's at the point where he's really good at grabbing his toys and he wants to put EVERYTHING in his mouth. Oh boy, I now have to watch everything that I give him and what his surroundings are. Once he starts moving, it's all over. He still isn't rolling over. He's close, but  I think it'll be a few more weeks til he gets there. I think the grossest part about motherhood right now is sucking boogers out of his nose with those nasal aspirators! *GAG* And this is coming from a person who wipes eye boogers from her lab's eyes about 100 times a day.

I am also convinced that every baby has that one outfit that is doomed to have a poop explosion no matter when he wears it, or how many times you change that diaper. His outfit before was his white bear jammies. He always had accidents in it. This time, it's a white onesie (it's always white!) with stripes on it. I'm mad because it's one that his Nana Shel gave him before she passed away, but he ALWAYS poops on it. What a stinker. This is why we can't have nice things....

This is his poop one-sie :(

I am so excited for Christmas this year!!! I love that I have someone to share it with who will one day be as excited as I am. This year, I'll have 5 dogs in my house for Christmas!! I can't wait. I'm such a nut. I picture it as one giant furball cuddle fest. I wish I could say I'm excited for G to open his gifts... but he already opened what I got him. I really want to break into Mariah's, "All I want for Christmas is Youuuuuu" when I think about him not being here. It's taking all of me not to let that bring me down this year. All I can say is thank goodness for Skype and FB chat.

My baby is still asleep. I should probably go do a breathing check on him. Love to you all!!!

Festivus for the Rest of Us

I created my title because this post is mostly going to be a list of grievances. My glass of red last night was well earned because this week was long, hectic, and resulted in a lot of tears. Not only am I going to go off on a few rants in this post, but I may get a little emotional. I'm not trying to look for sympathy here. I write because it's my own personal outlet. Rather than making Facebook posts of dramatic song lyrics or stating, "being an Army wife is so hard, people don't even know what it's like when my husband is gone. Feel sorry for me" kind of posts [being an Army wife, I tend to see a lot of obnoxious, constant posts from people that do this kind of stuff-we get it. It's hard with him gone, but we're all doing it so stop broadcasting it over and over again like you're on some kind of pedestal over everyone else (that was the first time I ever spelled pedestal. Looks totally wrong. And yes, I used brackets so I can use double parentheses)]. 

I nearly lost it at the commissary this week when I saw a handicap man pull into an Expecting Mother parking spot. He was old, and his old ass wife was not pregnant-she was fat, but definitely not pregnant. I was so pissed. I'm sorry, but being handicap does not allow you to park in an expecting mother spot, just like expecting mothers are not allowed to park in a handicap stop. I was furious. This is what I hate about people these days-they think that they are entitled to break the rules. Where's the respect? Especially on a military base. You'd think soldiers are trained to be respectful citizens-but they're not. Sure, people call me ma'am and hold open doors, and then some giant douchey truck comes speeding through a parking lot while I'm carrying my baby and trying not to get hit. 

As I watched this couple come into the commissary being your stereotypical grinch old people couple, I glared. It took all of my energy not to go up to them and say, "Congratulations" and as they give me a puzzled look I'd continue with, "Well I saw you two parked in the Expecting Mother's spot, so clearly you're going to have a baby," and see their response, and then follow up with a "shame on you, this is an Army base, not Walmart. Have some respect for people," or "Do you know how many f$%#*ing handicap spaces there are EVERYWHERE you go? How often do expecting mothers get a spot? No where? And you, sir, you don't F$%#*ing know how miserable it is walking at 8 months pregnant, even just across a damn parking lot. How dare you think that your penis allows you to do what you want? And just because you have a handicap sticker does not mean that you can't park in a regular spot. Here I am lugging this baby carrier that I can hardly carry because it's so heavy across the whole damn parking lot, and you and your wife are walking without any problems. You look perfectly fine, nor do you need a motorized cart to get your groceries. Are you even handicap? Because I think you're abusing the system." (I warned you all, this is a rant post-I'm not even going to touch on my opinions of people abusing the handicap system.)

I kept my mouth shut. Why? I never know who I'm talking to on base when people are in civilians. He could have been some (a-hole) retired general who fought in Vietnam or something. He could have found out my last name, tracked down my husband and somehow got him fired. You never really know. So I evil eyed him every time we passed, and kept my mouth shut. There may have been steam coming out of my ears. I know this is a really stupid thing to get THIS upset about, but I hate disrespectful people in an area where there should be respect. Like I said, this is a military base and I think if you're in the military, you need to show respect and pride in every thing that you do. At least act like you care about what you're fighting for. Too many people are in it for the wrong reasons-but I won't get into that either today. 

This week has been exhausting. Now that I'm back into Zumba, finding sitters have been a nightmare. NIGHTMARE. I had a sitter I tested out, and she worked out great! I asked if she'd be available to help me out every Monday morning while I teach my class and she said yes. After the first week, she suddenly has this other family that she's watching weekly and can no longer help me out. Yeah, I found this out the Saturday before my next class. Two days to try to find someone new. I had another woman offer to help me out, but I'd have to drop him off at her house across base. I live less than a mile from the gym, so for me to drive an extra 30 mins roundtrip to teach my class would be ridiculous. I live near 3 daycares, but they don't take reservations for hourly care (so this one B*tch told me-she truly is a b*tch, but I don't have time for that story today) and I'd have to call the morning of. So that Monday, I wake up and at 6:30 start calling. The third place I called had an opening for Ryan thankfully. I got him in there. I found out this week, that if I call the Friday before, I can make a reservation for him on Monday at any  of the day cares. Awesome. I have him booked for next Monday there, too. 

That was stressful, but so far worked out. I just need EVERY Monday to go as smoothly. Starting this week, I'm subbing Wednesday classes at my other gym for a month. This gym has a child center in it that you pay for. First of all, I think if I'm paying for people to watch my children, then they shouldn't be allowed to come get me for a crying baby. If I get interrupted during my hour of ME time, then it should be free service. Stupid... anyway, Ryan HATES it there. We went to the class the last two Wednesdays to test it out (and even Thurs night as another trial run) and they kept coming to class to come get me. All he does is cry. I don't blame him-it's hot as hell in there (he's only in a short-sleeved onesie and he's still burning up) and the children in there scream like bloody murder. This child can sleep through dogs barking, but high pitched screams? No. And that's a problem when a hot tired baby doesn't have a place to just be a baby and be peaceful. 

So now I'm incredibly stressed that he can't make it in there because come Wednesday, I'll be teaching, and I can't just stop my class to go in there and try to console him. Plus, these girls are really young-they don't exactly know what they're doing. The Thursday night girl seemed to know, but he still didn't last. It's so frustrating when the one hour that is supposed to be for me to let off steam and stress and just do what I love is still interrupted by the sound of my child screaming. I broke into tears on Thursday after being fed up. I just want to get through one class without them coming to get me. What am I paying for? So ridiculous. And I'm not going to pay a sitter not only for travel time, but a higher rate than my employee discount, when there's one right there. I'm not going to jeopardize our financial plan just so I can work out on my off days. 

I'm not one of those moms who is going to give up her entire life because of her baby. Yes, my baby comes before me. Did you know that last week was the first time I clipped my toenails since Nov 1 when I got a pedicure back home? Yeah, I went over a month without clipping my toenails because I just didn't have time. There are days when I'm lucky if I make it out the door with my teeth brushed. My baby comes first, but it's important that I still get to be me. I worked on building myself up for so many years, that I'm not going to throw it all away. I'm also not one of those moms who's okay staying in alone with my baby every day. I want him to get used to being around other people and children and other babies. I don't want him to be a mama's boy who doesn't let anyone else hold him. I want him to socialize and realize that there's more to life than just me. I know he's only three months right now, and I don't want him growing up thinking it's okay to be comfortable with strangers, but I want him to know that he has options. And of course, I'm not going to hand him off to someone I feel uncomfortable with. 

Now my next stress is Tuesday night-I have a CPR course I have to retake for work (long story... I shouldn't have even had to do this) and it's a three hour course from 6-9 so now I need to find another sitter. I'm interviewing a girl today, and she's qualified on paper, but wants to charge twice as much as the other sitters around here charge. Ridiculous. I'm so frustrated with these sitters and how people are unreliable. Luckily, I have a friend who offered to help out as well. I'll see how the interview goes and be grateful for a backup. I feel like such an inconvenience though. I know people offer, but I still feel terrible. I hate relying on people for things. I'm a very independent person, but I know it's going to kick my ass, and possible lead to a heart attack one day, if I don't loosen up and let people help. 

Also, it's really dry in our house. My dogs keep running around then shocking me with their fur. Doesn't add to my stress levels. 

This week was one of those weeks where it really would have been nice to have someone around-whether it was my husband, grandma, auntie or my best friend. Someone that I care about and trust to just pass Ryan off and know that he'll be loved and taken care of while I decompress. Or even someone to just crawl into bed with and snuggle up next to and cry at the end of a terrible day. Hell, even someone to tell the exciting parts of my day to. Phone calls are hard, and at the end of the day, the time difference makes it harder-no ones awake. That really is the hardest part about living in Alaska-the distance. And it sucks because I'd love to make Hawaii or Germany our next duty station, but I need help. When Greg's a captain, I'm sure I'll see him even less (not less than his deployment, obviously) and I want to know that help is only a 1 day drive away, or a $300 plane trip, or something less than $1K or a drive through Canada. I love Alaska so much, but I also feel so remote and alone at times. Well, as alone as a mom with three dogs can feel.. 

I'm exhausted. Ryan and I may be sick. I'm definitely under-caffeinated. It's just been a bad week. This post has gotten rather long so I'll end on a list of good parts about my week. 

1. I FINALLY got needle therapy in my shoulder. It's been years of pain and avoidance of PT, but they finally did something about it on Thursday. It doesn't feel 100%, but I already have so much more movement in it!!! Such a relief. I'm going back in a few weeks for another needle therapy session. Can't wait. 

2. Ryan has been sleeping more in his crib. We start each night (and if we're home in the day, nap time) in the nursery. Sometimes he only lasts about 15 mins, but the last couple times, he's lasted a couple hours in his crib. We're slowly working our way up. It's a small victory :)

3. My dogs crack me up. There has been less garbage eating and less annoyances. They are just being little love bugs this week. 

4. Tis the season. I have a holidays parties for the next two weekends. All of my christmas shopping is done!!!! AND I saw our Kay bill in the mail-can't wait to see what my husband got me :) :) 

5. Met with our financial advisor and got our finances back on track. It's good to know that the decisions I'm making he supports and would also recommend doing. Maybe I should have gotten into the advising business. Or been an accountant. I like managing money. 

Okay, that's all for now. Like I said, this post was just a vent. It probably doesn't make sense because you don't think clearly nor rationally during a vent sesh. It's just better to get it all out on (electronic) paper than lash out at people in the commissary. Cheers my friends. 

3 Months

I have a three month old. He is so big!! He's almost out of his 0-3 month clothes. I can't believe how adorably cute his chubby cheeks and little nose are. He's so grown up now. And he's super independent (for the most part) when it comes to playing. He does so well on his play mat, and I got him a piano in his crib that he loves to kick. He can also just sit in his bumbo contently looking at his hands or listening to music as I do dishes or cook. Since today is his 3 month birthday, that means yesterday was the day he was conceived! Haha! I know, tmi... but I don't care. It seems like that was so long ago. So much has changed in just a year.

My 3 month old baby!

Now that we've hit the three month mark, I need to start realizing that he's more impressionable. Which means things are starting to matter. Good news, we already have a routine to our day for the most part. Not every day is exactly the same, but I have a general ball park of what to expect from him. We wake up anywhere between 5:30 and 7:30, he'll play contently after breakfast while I try to get some chores done around the house or get ready for the day. After about 2 hours of play time, he's ready for his first nap. He'll stay up for a few more hours and then take an afternoon nap. He either takes two small naps or one long nap. Sometimes, he needs another nap about 5. If not, we have dinner, have some play time, I wash his face, read books and listen to music until he falls asleep. If he wakes up at night, it's usually at 11:30 and 3:00. Then we go back to sleep and do it all over again. Wednesday night is bath time and Saturday is run to red box and movie night. And Friday-oh I love Fridays. Friday is glass of wine and pizza night. It's pretty routine which, if you know me, I LOVE and appreciate :)

Even though our days are pretty predictable, I still am super behind on phone calls, emails, chores, and catching up with people. I'm slowly learning to be okay with messes. Especially now that it's the holiday season. It seems like my floor is constantly covered in tape, wrapping paper, scissors, envelopes, peoples' presents, and whatever else I've been working on. I haven't sent the rumba around the house in days because I don't even have patience to move the little things into a pile so they don't get sucked up. I think that's the epitome of lazy!

Speaking of holidays... I am super disappointed with Toys (babies) R Us. When I went to that baby's first Christmas (fail) event, I bought a make-your-own-print ornament kit. I thought the kit would be perfect for us to have an ornament of Ryan's footprint on the tree. I take out the material, and it's basically foam. I roll it out and try to smoosh his foot into the material, and it barely sunk in there. I even re-aligned it to try again, but still, they barely made a print in there. I figured it was fine because at least you could see the print. However, as it dried, it frickin leveled itself out. So it's barely visible now! I basically have a round piece of foam ornament on my tree. Oh well. Don't get that kit if you see it. It sucked.

Ryan is getting such a little personality!!! He's such a little flirt. My favorite is when he's eating and then he stops, looks up at me, gives me this giant grin, then bashfully buries his face in my chest to hide it from me. He's such a little stinker. He's now laughing!!! Not all the time, but he's happy sounds are more giggly than grunts and coos. Apparently when I take his arms out of his outfits, he thinks it's hilarious. Maybe it's because I always have cold hands that graze his sides? Whoops, sorry little guy! That's usually what daddy is for-sticking my cold hands on his warm back.

Love this face so much!!

Last time I wrote, I talked about my dogs fighting and causing me stress. They haven't fought since last weekend. Nothing. No tension. No idea what was going on with that. I'm just so glad I don't have to worry about it. It's still stressful though trying to juggle them. This is terrible. This was my mommy fail of the week: I went to a Zumba class on Wednesday. Before I leave, I let the dogs out, and if I'm only going for an hour or so, I let them roam the house. (If it's longer, they get the kennel.) I let the dogs in, and go to the gym. When I get back, only two greeted me. I left Cato outside that whole time!!!! I'm so awful!!! I'm glad it was in the upper 20s that day and no negative weather, and he was totally fine, but I felt like such an ass!!! I let the other two out and secretly gave him ham to tell him how much I love him and how sorry I was. Hopefully he understood my peace offering.

Belle Belle loves her Ryan

Speaking of ham now....... For Thanksgiving, we had turkey and ham. They left me a ton of leftover food, some of which was two bags full of ham. I don't like ham, so I've been using it to try to fatten Denali up (per doctors orders). It totally worked!! He's still super skinny, but you can no longer use his ribs as a xylophone. My little munchkin. Guess he just needed some extra proteins. This may have been the one thing the vet on base has been right about.

 I've been trying to take advantage of cheap day care at the gym and get some extra me time. It really is much needed. Now, I just need the gym to have a salon so I can get my hair cut, and maybe a martini bar. And male strippers. I bet if you put treadmills in front of some male strippers, this world would be run by skinny b*tches. Happy skinny b*tches.

Anyway, we're now in a phase of teething. Teething sucks for everyone. Not only is my little man in pain, but I'm miserable with a nonstop crying baby. Thank goodness for Tylonol. Takes a little while to kick in, but it works like a charm. He likes sucking on his teething rings, but he's still not a pro at holding them and maneuvering them to his mouth. He also likes when I massage his gums with my finger. Grossest thing ever. Flabby gums with hard spots grosses me out, but he loves it. So either way, I tend to get stuck either holding a ring in his mouth or him sucking on my finger. It's time consuming. I miss a lot of phone calls this way.

If I were to write a book on being a parent, it'd be called, Parenthood: The One-Handed Life. I'm constantly finding myself trying to get things done with just one hand whether it's cooking, playing fetch, typing, pushing a cart, carrying shopping bags, getting dressed, reading, etc. while he's being carried in my other arm. I'm still waiting for the day that I can do a push up with these newly development guns my son is forcing upon me.

You know when you see Victoria's Secret catalogues or maybe even mens magazines (Playboy? idk) where there are hot half naked women with seductive wet hair yet still have on makeup and you wonder, "When do women walk around like this? Who just wears a button up with underwear and socks walking around like that?" I am convinced that all of these seductive women are mothers. I am constantly running around my house half naked, wet hair, makeup on because I never got to finish my shower, mens sweatpants and a bra because that's the closest thing I could put on with one hand while my baby screams. Moms are hot messes. Sign me up, VS I'm ready to be an angel :)

People probably hate me because I'm pretty much back to my regular size. I still have some tummy work to do-I look like I have the freshman 15 again, but I fit into my old skinny jeans and I don't even look like I should have a 3 month old. This weekend, I dug into my shirt pile of things that my belly outgrew. It felt so good putting on one of my running shirts without it being so tight!! It's such a good feeling to have loose material in your core area!

I'm going to have to try to insert pictures one-handed now so I can console my baby who's getting frustrated and yelling at his toys. It's actually pretty funny to watch him get mad at them. Love to all friends and family!

Baby's 1st Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving went better than I expected. When I first found out G wasn't going to be here for the holidays, my first thought about what I wanted to do for Thanksgiving was to order pizza and watch all the Thanksgiving episodes of Friends. Honestly, that would have been a pretty awesome night. I didn't do either of those, and I ended up having one of the best Thanksgivings ever.

Ryan and I started the day running a 5K. Now I haven't run more than a couple miles since my last 5K in July and I was really, really out of shape (not to mention I wasn't just running, rather pushing a stroller and running). This Turkey Trot had more hills than they advertised. I really didn't think I was going to make it. Luckily, I have two amazing friends who stayed at my pace and encouraged me to the end. I ran in it a little less than 34 mins! Not a bad time considering how out of shape I felt. I thought it was going to be closer to 40 minutes honestly. I considered it a win. That, and Ry Ry slept the whole time. That is a blessing. Although, if he started crying on the run, it may have encouraged me to run faster.

My running buddy! Keeping me fit.

After our little run, I managed to shower and scramble a somewhat put together look for Thanksgiving at my house. I had 5 other people come over and bring tons of food. I think the BEST part of hosting dinner is all the leftover wine :) Anyway, we had good food, drinks, and then played games until midnight. That's right, I was up at midnight, and not because Ryan woke me up to be fed. It was much needed. G and I had another couple that we always did game nights with, but they PCS'ed back in the spring, and we haven't had much of a social life since (that, and the baby kind of got in the way as well). For me, I need socialization, and staying up with people I barely know playing games was so much fun. It truly was a happy Thanksgiving.

I have an obsession with baby prints. Ryan's hand/foot print Turkey :)

Now that the holiday season is upon us, I've been Christmas shopping like crazy. I started early mostly because I had to send G's box out yesterday for it to be there before Christmas, and of course, I'm a shopaholic so I've picked up other things for people on the way. However, long shopping days aren't easy at all with a  little one. First of all, why don't malls have shopping carts? The only thing that makes shopping doable for me is a shopping cart so I don't have to carry him. I know, I know, you're thinking, "Why not use a stroller, Mols? Duh!" I would if it wasn't the mall. They pack so many things so tightly into those stores that my stroller can't quite maneuver around. And there isn't as much room for all of my shopping bags AND my diaper bag. Carts are much easier. Okay, and the real reason? This is embarrassing guys, but I can barely lift my stroller in and out of my trunk. You have to put it in a certain way so the tires fit and my little arms and frail shoulders and back structure keep failing on me. I also have the Ergo carrier, but how am I supposed to try on clothes when he's strapped to my body (I'm a shopaholic, so obviously I have to browse for me as well)? I'm not going to take him off and lay him on the dirty floor in a tiny changing room stall. Mom problems.

With that being said, I've been trying to get some shopping out of my way a few times a week. It's hard to hit multiple stores because the little guy only sleeps for so long. And I don't want him cooped up all day in his car seat. That's no fun. There have been many times where I find myself carrying him around the store with one arm, and pushing the cart with another. You'd think I have guns of steel by now, but I don't. I have TERRIBLE posture. My body is hunched over. I'm trying so hard to straighten out when I'm not holding him, but he's so incredibly heavy and I'm so weak that he's slowly crippling me. I can't wait for daddy to be home and take over the carrying on weekend outings. That may revive me. That, and I'm going to try to get back into yoga.

Baby cheeks! My little turkey face.

I need to get into better shape, especially now that there's snow out there. On Sunday, I decided to run to Red Box to return my movie (that's usually where I run to anyway, I think it's a little under 2 1/2 miles roundtrip). It snowed the day before and the streets were plowed so I didn't think much of it. I hit a sidewalk that wasn't shoveled. It wasn't shoveled and it was a busy road and I didn't feel comfortable running on the shoulder. What'd I do? I pushed my stroller through 4 inches of snow until the next block where I could take a backroad to my destination. It was exhausting. Worst exercise ever. That block felt like... well, maybe only .25 miles. I'm not going to exaggerate this one. My legs felt like jello. And it was only at the beginning of my run so I still had to go to my destination and back. Exhausting.

Life has been a little stressful. Not only have I been trying to pack in as much as Ryan allows me into each day with appointments, shopping, company, cleaning, etc. but my dogs have been adding to my gray hairs (I still have only one and I haven't had to pluck it in a while! Maybe it got the hint that it's unwanted). My two boys aren't fixed. They aren't fixed and they are the sweetest little puppies (well, Denali is kind of a monster, but that's a different story). Lately, they've been hating on each other. These boys are father and son and they LOVE each other, so their aggressive behavior is bizarre. They would avoid each other at all costs, and when they got into each other's space, Denali would growl and a couple times, they actually attacked each other and I had to break it up. I first thought I'd have to get Denali fixed because maybe he's peaked and his testosterone levels are high and it's causing problems with Cato (they both were fine with Belle Belle). But the more I watched, the more I realized that Denali wasn't the problem. Denali was the one growling (because he's the vocal one of the three) but he was also trying to avoid Cato and stay by my side-even shaking. Cato was staring Denali down, and even getting up in his space and when Denali didn't back down, they'd turn on each other. Cato is the sweetest dog I know, so this was strange.

I called my vet for advice. All they told me was to get both of them fixed and, "It'll total to $400. Each." Um... great advice, thanks for talking me through this. I told them I'd wait through the weekend and see. They were on and off fighting for 3 days. I gave Denali a play date to give them space and that seemed to have helped. Also, when they found a common enemy (our neighbor shoveling the driveway), they suddenly didn't seem to hate each other. The last time they fought, I grabbed a ball and started playing, and then they just decided to be friends and play together and they haven't fought since. Seriously, weird.

My theory: they were stir crazy and didn't have enough play time. I was so busy last week prepping for thanksgiving that I didn't get to play with them, and I barely let them outside for long since it was cold outside and I didn't get to clean the yard so I didn't want them tracking poop inside. I think they were just cooped inside for too long and started feuding, as humans do too. I'm keeping an eye on it because I don't want aggressive dogs near a baby. Not that they'd turn on him, but maybe accidentally step on him or something. Also, I really don't want to fix them unless I have to. I still want to mate Cato out again and maybe give Denali that opportunity in the future. They are beautiful dogs and make wonderful babies.

Okay, enough of my crazy dog lady rants. Oh wait, no. One more. Belle has been adding to my stress because she keeps getting in the garbage then waking me up in the night to poop. As if I need to wake up any more than I already do. End rant.

Other than the fact that it's taken me an extra 4 days just to get this post in, life has been good. I love my baby. I just sit and watch him. He wakes me up at 3am and I'm so freaking tired and ready to sleep, and then he talks to me and coos to me and I don't want to sleep. He is precious. I look at him and think about him getting older and how it won't be long before I will miss that exact moment. I literally try to absorb my moments with him through my pores and into my brain. I never let myself fill in the sentence, "I can't wait..." because I can. I can wait for every little stage that he'll hit. I can wait for the next minute to pass us by. He's already growing so quickly right in front of my eyes. I pick him up and he's heavier than we was the day before. He went up a diaper size. He's almost out of  his 0-3 month clothes. In fact, he'll be 3 months this weekend. I had so many things that I thought, "oh, we'll worry about that when he's three months" and that time is already here. He gets to play with more toys (although I've already introduced every toy we have to him), we change the angle of his car seat to the three month level, and he looks so cute in his 3-6 month clothes.

To me, he's no longer a baby. He's such a little person. I know what he's trying to tell me most of the time. It's like the dogs-just because he doesn't talk doesn't mean he doesn't know and it doesn't mean that we can't communicate. We know each other so well. When he sleeps, I just watch his (not so) little belly go up and down with each breath. I look at his legs and feet and arms and he's just such a person. It's so crazy. It's almost as if he can just sit up and walk away lol. I'll quote Joey from season 1 of Friends, "He's so real." It's so obviously stupid, but it's true. I love it. And one of my friends is preggo and expecting this spring and I'm seriously so excited for her to fall in love with her little man. Motherhood is just awesome.

I think I've ranted enough for one day. I only have 4 1/2 hours to prepare for my dental appointment and someone drank all my coffee for the morning all ready. Hopefully I'll have some quiet time this weekend for his 3 month post and I'll actually be able to make something more interesting to read. Love to my readers!

10....11...12...?

Okay, I've completely lost track of weeks. In all fairness, after the first two months, I don't think keeping track of weeks is really necessary. Those first two months, it seemed like each day was a huge step towards his progress from newborn to infant, which made weeks really significant and different. Don't get me wrong, my little man changes every day still, but I think it's more appropriate to assess his achievements by the month from now on (until I lose track of those). Here's how his age is going to measure: "Oh look, he's 2 months!" "Now how old? Oh, a little over 2 months." "He's about 2  1/2 months." "What's that? Oh, he's just about three months old." "Oh yay! He's finally three months!" And so on.. Plus, what kind of sick person makes you do math when asking for your age? That's why they ask you on forms at the doctors office your date of birth, and then also your age. No one needs the extra math. Not even those who went to medical school.

This past week was a big one for me! Well, nothing too big, but I got back and taught my first Zumba class since before the baby!! I was going to go to an instructor's class to see how I'd do getting back into full swing Zumba for an hour (I'd only built myself up to about 40 minutes in my family room), and instead, she ended up being sick and asked me to sub. I'm still no where near 100% to how my body used to move or even my endurance, but I lasted the hour and felt so amazing afterwards. I felt like my old self again. Just me. I wasn't a mom. I didn't have the stress of going back home to take care of everything all by myself. I didn't even care that I wasn't at my best. For that hour, I was in my happy zone and there was nothing that could take that feeling away from me. It was pure freedom. Yesterday, we had a Zumbathon. I wish I could say it went as well as that Thurs night class, but I somehow got a stomach flu bug the night before so I was incredibly weak and tired, but managed through.

Which brings me to my next point. Being a sick mom sucks. It really sucks. There were a few times I thought I'd throw up on Ryan while trying to feed him. I went from chills to hot sweats. I could barely move from the couch to change his diapers-I stacked them all up next to the changing table so I didn't have to go out of my way to throw them out. At one point, I went to get water, but left my cup by the couch so I just made a new one because it hurt so much to travel. Ryan was a good sport though. He didn't mind snuggling all day on the couch with me, or even having his play time on the couch seat next to me while I sluggishly waved stuff in front of his face. It was miserable. And the puppies didn't even want to cuddle me-which they usually do when I feel sick. I felt so abandoned. The good news is at least I'm used to it. I usually only get extremely sick on the days G ends up working over night, in the field, or just super late. I'm used to being miserable by myself-I guess that's a good thing since I really have no choice. I'm just so glad I was able to sleep it off and make it to the Zumbathon the next day-with whichever energy I had left in me.

Other than the sickness, being a mom has been so great. Seeing my little boy's smiles every morning makes each day worth it. Same with the pups, watching the weird little things they do cracks me up. I love all of my babies so much (right now, Cato and Denali are both trying to lick the exact same spot on Cato's leg. What?). I've discovered that all of those love songs I've listened to throughout the years about people from my past now all apply to my little man. I think Elton John's Your Song is my favorite to sing to Ry. It's so cliche, but it's so true-once you have a baby, nothing and no one else in the world really matters besides him. He becomes the center of your universe and the love of your life. I read this article online and it said, "You never realize how much your parents loved you until you have a baby," and it's true. The love you feel is incomparable and it makes you appreciate your parents even more. It's such a crazy thing. How could I have gone 27 years without realizing this? It's almost a cruel lesson-I wish I'd have gone my whole life knowing this feeling from the start. And now this little man will grow up having no idea what I've endured until he has his first child.

Anyway, I got my little guy to sleep, which means I have maybe 15 minutes to get ready for the day. Must make use of my time. Until later my friends! Love to those who read :)

Patron on the Rocks, It's Time for Baby's Shots

Since we were out of town for Ry's 2 month appt, we rescheduled it to last week-only one week overdue. This was the first appointment for him to get his baby shots. I was really nervous! People explained this appointment to me saying that I had to strap him down and he'd look into my eyes screaming and begging for the pain to stop. No mother wants to see that look in their child's eyes. Safe to say, I was a little shaky going into immunization that day.

So we get there and there's one person ahead of us. Go figure, it's another mother taking her baby in for her 2 months shots as well. It was awful. I heard that baby screaming bloody murder and continue to cry for about 5 minutes before she calmed down. A few minutes later they walked back out to the waiting room. I had tears in my eyes because I felt so awful that I was going to do that to the boy I love most in the world (even though it's obviously for his benefit). I sucked it up and shortly after we got called back.

Ry was sleeping so I pulled him out of his car seat. They gave him an oral medication and then got his thighs ready with bandaids and sanitizing swabs. The dr did the first injection, and Ryan started to whimper a little bit, then the dr quickly did the next two, covered the spots with the already placed bandaids, and before I knew it, everything was over and Ryan had already stopped crying. I even had to ask, "Is that is?" because I expected it to go way worse like that little girl ahead of it. It was awesome! My boy is such a trooper. I can't believe I cried over someone else's stupid baby getting shots. (No, their baby isn't stupid, okay?)

After that, we headed to his actual doctors appointment. He's a little giant! He weighed in at 13.75 pounds. No wonder I can't carry him! (I picked him up this morning, and I'm pretty sure he's already hit 14-he feels heavier). Between him and that car seat snap and go thing that I drag him around in EVERYWHERE, I'm carrying 20+lbs. Yet with all this weight lifting, I still can't do a push up.. He also measured in at almost 23 inches. My brain can't process circumference so I have no idea how many inches his head measured around, but the doctor told me that he's right on track and is a healthy boy! We also had to take a little survey thing, and it said he's a little behind on his motor skills (like, grabbing toys and holding on to them) but it's nothing to worry about-which I'm not. He's only 2 months. I'm not going to start measuring how "great" he is compared to every other baby at this point.      Unless he's showing signs of underdevelopment, I'm not going to fret. And he's not.

One thing I brought up to his doctor is his belly button! He has the weirdest thing going on down there. It almost looks like an outie, but it has some brownish color on it, and it pushes in like a bubble almost. The dr explained it as almost an umbilical hernia. He said he's seen really big ones, and Ry's in minor and it may get pushed in as he grows. If not, it's until until he's 3 or 4 years that they can even cosmetically do anything about it. I thought it was interesting. I knew I wasn't crazy that something wasn't right with his belly! Is it bad that I'm glad it's a hernia and not an outie? I don't want him to grow up looking like a cabbage patch kid his whole life. Again, this is another thing I shouldn't worry about, according to him.

Look at that belly button! Not to mention that big boy belly... :)

Ryan's getting so grown up. I bought him a Bumbo (from someone selling theirs for $20-sweet!) and he loves just sitting in, staring at his hands. He looks like a little person in it! It's crazy how he can go from looking like a little baby to a child within seconds. He's already growing up way too quickly.

All grown up in the Bumbo!

Saturday, we went to Babies R Us for a baby's 1st Christmas event. Not gonna lie-it was lame. We got there at 10, and there were maybe 6 other babies that showed up. They had one thing that we could do-make ornaments which actually was really cute!! I'm glad we got to do that, but they other thing they had was coloring and story time. Okay, this event is for babies. Under the age of 1. My baby got absolutely no benefits from a story time read by someone standing half a store away (which is good, because we missed it anyway to go shop instead) nor can he hold a freaking marker to color. And if he could, I wouldn't want that scribble up on my tree. Let's call a spade a spade, it would have sucked. The only other thing they had was a raffle for everyone. But! They waited til the very end to do it. They wouldn't pull any numbers until 11 o'clock. I'm sorry, but I had other things to get done and had a baby with me. It was almost feeding time and nap time. I'm not going to sit there doing NOTHING for an entire hour. We left early. Plus, the giveaways weren't very exciting.

The. Cutest. 

It's things like this that make me really want to get into event planning. I could have taken over and the whole thing would have been way better. Pretty much, everything they had lasted a total of 10 minutes and the rest was 50 minutes of standing around. So dumb. But I do have to say, my little boy was best dressed and the CUTEST because he had on his Santa outfit. And since he had on his Santa outfit, I was able to get his pictures with Santa at the mall that day. They were adorable together, and this Santa didn't smell, seem drunk, and was very jolly! He absolutely loved Ryan and played with him. It was adorable seeing Santa and Santa jr together. Of course, Ryan smiled after we got the pictures done... Oh well. (This paragraph is really poorly structured. I was going to go off on a rant about how I could have bettered the event, but decided to change topic to avoid complaining too much-I'm sure my readers can only take so much.)

We met the real deal! Lol. That face. 

Now that I'm a mom, I am terrified all the time. I feel like I'm constantly feeding or trying to get this baby to sleep and have no time for myself, but when I do have time for myself, I'm constantly running over to him to make sure he's still breathing. I had a scare a couple weeks ago. This is my biggest mommy fail yet. We had just gotten back from "vacation" and I was trying to get him used to not being held all the live-long day. He was tired so I put him down. He started crying. I tried to let him cry it out, but he didn't stop. Finally, I brought him downstairs to his swing. He didn't stop. He wasn't wet. He was fed. So he was just tired-crying. Finally, I tried to hold/walk with him. He didn't stop, so I (what do you know, he just started crying! I think he has a 6th sense) put him with his toys so I could keep an eye on him while I tried to finish my workout video. All of a sudden, I see his eyes bulge, his face red, boogers pouring down his face, and he's gasping for air. I'd never been more scared in my life. I grabbed him so quickly and tried to remember everything I learned in CPR about infants. I was hitting his back and he finally coughed and was back to crying/breathing. Never been more thankful in my life. It was terrifying.

I must admit, this has been a huge setback of trying to get him to sleep at night in his crib. If I put him down and he fusses, I try to wait it out, but once there's tears, I don't care, I'm cradling this baby in my arms. Every time. We'll get there at some point, but right now, I am too scarred from that incident to leave him crying somewhere. No no no. And he's stayed sleeping with me so I could watch him.

With that being said, this week I really am trying to work on getting him out of my bed and possibly getting him closer to sleeping through the night. Last night, he lasted 5 minutes in his crib before waking himself out and freaking out. It's a start. He's nowhere near making it through the night either.  His diapers can't handle it. I changed him a few times last night and tried to make it from 11-4, but there was some leakage anyway. We'll get there when we get there. I'm in no rush. Waking up at night still sucks a lot, but I'm not desperately trying to eliminate them right now. I can tolerate it.

I've been awake for almost 4 hours and haven't accomplished anything! This boy is so fussy-looks like another day for Tylonol for him :( Poor guy. I wish my entries were more exciting. I'm still just trying to catch up on life. So much to do. I'm not going to re-read for typos so ya'll will have to deal with it right now. I've got an angry bird on my hands. Until next time! xoxo

2 Months

I have a 2 month old baby! I cannot believe it. He's HUGE. I swear, there are days when I pick him up in the morning and realize that he's heavier than when I put him to sleep. I am in absolute disbelief. Two months. Wow. That also means I have been renting away my boobies every 2(ish) hours for 60 days. It's really not nearly as bad being a mommy slave to your baby's mouth as I thought. I'm now used to planning my time around his schedule and sucking it up when he's going through a growth spurt and wanting to eat every hour during peak hunger times.

My little 2 month old!!! Getting so large :) 

After three weeks of being back in IL/IN and living out of suitcases and going between families and packing and unpacking and repacking for the day or night, I am happy to say that I am finally home in Alaska. Home sweet home. I got in late Thurs night and picked up the puppies yesterday. My crazy, chaotic, non-stop life style is back. I really miss my husband being here to help out. I was spoiled these past 3 weeks. I think the thing I miss the most is having time to get ready and being able to shower without hearing my baby screaming from his crib. That, and just having extra support.

My little t-rex on Halloween. 

I had to drove G off at the airport on Wednesday. It sucked. Another heartbreaking moment to add to this accumulation. I miss him so much already-and it has nothing to do with the extra help for the baby. At least this time our countdown begins at 8 months instead of 9? I'll take what I can get.

Now that this baby is bigger, he's screaming a lot these days. He fights sleep like none other. I think it's because he's more aware of his surroundings and being awake is a lot more exciting than sleeping.  For me, that means I need to make extra time in my day to give him extra cuddles. Sucks when I'm trying to get something done (it took me two days to unpack and finish 1 load of laundry) but at the same time, I love my little baby boy cuddles. Chores (and make up) can wait; he's only a baby once :)

Being gone for a week is exhausting. Times that by three, and I'm just overwhelmed. Next week, I'm already trying to squeeze in all the appointments I had to cancel while I was gone-including baby Ryan's appointment for shots :/ I feel so sorry for him. I'll have to give him extra love when it's all over. I had a whole laundry list of things to do today (including laundry) and only got about 40% of them done. There's always tomorrow.

One thing I did get done that was on my list was give Ryan a massage with coconut oil. I read about it in the What to Expect book. Cosmo got me through college, now What to Expect is getting me through motherhood. This thing is brilliant. If only it had more half naked men in it. So I did this massage and he loved it! He was so happy and kicky the whole time and the best part? He's passed the eff out right now. Glorious.

The boys trying to lick off the coconut oil from Ry's massage

Earlier, I took him for a run. I signed up for a 5K on Thanksgiving Day and just realized how incredibly close Thanksgiving is, and how incredibly out of shape I am. I ran about 2 miles (went to Red Box and back...and may have picked up a bottle of wine for my stash). There was one of those electronic speedometers on my way back, and as I passed it, it tracked me at 5mph! LOL! I thought that was hilarious, yet also really sad. I usually run at a 6.5 pace. Looks like I'll use these next few weeks getting my run on.

I think I'm too behind on life to make this post more interesting. That, and I'm still on Chicago time which means I wake up at 3:30, eat lunch at 9:30 and dinner at 3:30 to pass out at 6. The fact that the sun is starting to set at 3:30 these days adds to my exhaustion. Good old Alaskan winter. It's Saturday night which means I'm going to use the rest of my night to absorb as many puppy and baby cuddles as possible and email my man before passing out. Hope whoever is reading this is doing something much more interesting! Until next time.