Let's see, what has my little man been up to lately? He's a creepy crawler. He explores everything and I absolutely love watching him try to crawl out the room. He's so incredibly tiny when you compare his little chunk legs to the expanse of a doorway. He's just such a person. He sees something, wants it, and just crawls towards it. I love it! I still remember trying to enclose his fingers around a toy and getting excited when he'd hold it for 3 seconds. It's amazing how young mischief begins. This boy's favorite things to crawl to are dog toys. I don't understand. He has balls. But if the dog has a ball, that's the one he will crawl halfway around the room to get. I don't know if it's wanting what you can't have, jealousy, inability to share or maybe all of the above. I'd be lying if I said this boy has never has a rawhide in his mouth.
He sits up on his own and he drinks out of cups. I bought him a cup with a straw and he drinks it all on his own. It's a kid's cup so it's pretty much the size of his face, but he drinks it like it's his job. This morning, he started sticking his tongue out and spitting at me. Such a stinker. Nothing like celebrating your 9 month bday than making toot noises at your mom. What a boy. But he's honestly such a silly, kind-hearted boy and I love him more and more to pieces. I honestly don't think my heart can take anymore. I feel like I want to break down crying anytime I see something that has anything to do with loving your child.
There was a book in Target named something along the lines of Stay My Baby. It was saying things like, "I want to you to stay my baby forever so we can cuddle forever. But if you were a baby forever, then I'd never get to see you.." and then described a bunch of milestones that kids hit as they grow up. TEARS. Tears streaming down my face in Target. I got so choked up because it hit home base. I really don't want this boy to ever grow up because right now, we're having the most amazing time together, but I know it's inevitable and I know that more great things are heading my way (until he's a teen, then I grit my teeth til he's off to college).
As for life in GA, it's interesting on a few different levels. I thought I'd miss Alaska a lot more than I do. Honestly, I don't even think about it. I don't miss the mountains. I don't miss the sunlight and the beautiful Alaskan summers. I don't miss a lot of the people there. There are a few, yes, but the majority-not really. Alaska never felt like home to me, and I feel like I have more bad memories of my experiences there than good. Which is saying a lot because that's where I got married, twice and we got two of our babies (Denali and Ry) there. And I honestly thought I was happy there, but looking back, I think I did a really great job at just kidding myself and staying positive and now that it's done, I can say how much I hate the state, the people, and I never see myself going back. Ever. Alaska is a bad taste in my mouth and it took leaving it to realize it.
I do love Georgia. I do love the sun, the heat, the pools and the nice people out here, but I'm awfully lonely. I don't have a job nor do I really think I'm going to have one. We're only here for 6 months. When it comes to teaching Zumba, the summer schedules are pretty much all out, and if I start teaching somewhere in the fall, it's like.. September, October, okay bye! We're off to wherever it is next. To me, this is a big issue. I now am just a housewife. There's nothing wrong with being a housewife, but this isn't what I went to school and got a degree for (I know teaching Zumba isn't either, but I was using that experience to open my own studio or gym one day). And it's extremely lonely. During the work week, my car is the only one left in the parking lot. Our neighbors all work. Without a job, I don't have people that I can go out and meet. I don't have a group where we have at least one thing in common. And I'm a shy person. I'm not really good at going up to someone and asking them to hang out. I know shyness is one of my biggest flaws and it often makes me come off a a bitch, but I'm a very closed person and I think I always have been. I like to get to know someone before I let them into my life and I absolutely hate big groups and social events where they just expect you to show up and meet people. I need intimacy. And I'm torn between needing friendship and thinking maybe I should just be a hermit for these 6 months so I don't have to do goodbyes all over again before the end of the year.
Not only is it hard to meet people, but I'm disappointed in my current family and friends situation. SO many of my friends gave the excuse, "Alaska is so expensive to get to! I'm sorry I can't visit. Let me know when you're in the (lower 48)." Or, "Once you get to GA, I want to come visit!" But no one is really making any initiative. Of course a few are, the ones who would go to the moon and back just to have drinks with me on my bday, but it's really making me realize that Alaska was only an excuse for, "I really don't have time to show you that we're friends. Thanks for going out of your way for me in the past, but I'm over it." And you're probably saying, "hello! It's a two-way road!" No. I still have a baby and I think people fail to realize how incredibly hard it is for me just to get through every freaking day with him and these dogs, let alone get on a plane. I don't have grandma and grandpa down the street to help out. Hell, I don't even have friends or a babysitter to call. We barely even have money right now because we had to re-stock our entire house with food and toilet paper and stuff and we're waiting on reimbursements from our move out here. I feel like every day is a financial struggle. And the fact that I don't work only adds to my stress. But I guess like me, we're all busy.
My mom is coming out here next week though and I'm beyond belief excited. It'll be so nice to have someone to talk to about things. Real things. Not the ABCs or, "did the dogs go out yet?" I will have someone who can just watch Ryan while I take the dogs outside-individually without worrying if Ryan's choking on electrical wires of some sort. Maybe I'll even be able to take them to the dog park! It'll just be nice to have someone. And not just anyone, but someone whom I love and like hanging out with. Someone who is my family and friend at the same time and doesn't care that I have psycho little dogs who drive everyone nuts by invading personal space for attention 24/7. Plus, not many people care about babies unless it's their own. I know some people go, "oh, he's cute" but Grandma is the only one I can really go on and on and on about the stupid little things Ryan does every day and know that I'm not completely boring her. Grandmas are pretty great.
Back to GA life. The thing about living in golf country is that going for a run is dreadful! The hills are ass-whooping! Trying to run 1 mile uphill in the heat is enough to make nap time want to crawl back into my life. Oh, and then add the stroller with a 20 pound baby to the mixture. Excruciating. I've been running 2-3x a week and I'm just now starting to feel like I don't want to die halfway through my 5K course. I'm hoping these hills will give me some extra strength and buns of steel. It's hard staying motivated to work out at home when I don't have a gym to go to or childcare to drop Ryan off and have some time to just do me. But I've been on track for the most part and I'm hoping I stick to it. Exercise is the only thing I have right now that's mine. Thankfully, Ryan loves going on runs in his stroller. He stays super content in there and sometimes even doses off. It's great.
The dogs have been behaving very well. For the most part. They are doing really well going out about 4 times a day, individually without a yard to run around in. Cato and Denali are doing really well off leash. Belle, on the other hand, it a bit of a loose cannon. The other day, the most embarrassing thing happened. I went to take Denali out. I'm putting the leash on him and as the door is closing, Belle decides to push her way through and take off downstairs (we live on the 2nd floor). I have to unleash Denali and get him inside because me calling her back was not working. I sprint down the stairs, yelling at her and she runs up to a family who is packing their car for a vacation. The door is open. There are children inside. The moms are looking at me like, "Get this dog away from us" but refusing to hold her or help (my sister is extremely allergic to dogs, and she can't touch them without breaking into hives, so my first thought was maybe they're allergic. Nope, just useless.) I see Belle hesitate. I'm getting closer and I say, "Don't you dare get into that car." She gets in. She jumps in next to a little boy and makes herself at home. I'm sitting there yelling at her, but not to the point that I look like THAT lady, and apologizing profusely. The woman who was not helpful wouldn't even get out of the doorway to let me try to get Belle out. So I went around to the other side to the other woman who was at least trying to get her by the collar. I get her out. Appologzie for the millionth time, and drag her ass up the stairs by the collar. I was so incredibly livid. She was disciplined and caged for the remainder of the day. I rarely let her off leash anymore. The cute part though is that at the end of the day when I finally freed her, she spent the whole night sucking up to me and trying to stay by my side and give me kisses. Such a ham. I'm still waiting from a call from management saying that the neighbors have been having problems with our dogs off the leash. They're still on vacation so we'll see.
I just finished reading Amy Poehler's book, Yes Please. Amazing. I bought this book as a Christmas present to myself, hoping to read it at the beginning of the year. I finally cracked it open a few weeks before the move, hoping that life without cable/internet would give me some downtime to read. Nope. I finally started chapter 1 last week and couldn't put it down (except the million times that Ryan made me because he was crying, screaming, fussy or crawling towards another dog toy.) I don't really even know why I bought the book because I didn't think Amy was funny at all. I'm not a huge SNL chicks (Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristin Wiig, Maya Rudolph, etc.) kind of girl. But I do love her now. I do. She has wonderful insight about life and it was very inspirational. She not only gave me inner peace with my self and my life, but she gave me confidence. However, the only downfall is that having confidence when you don't have any kind of socialization is useless and practically non-existent. It's hard to believe in myself when I'm at a point in my life where every single goal I have is on standby until our next station. Like, "Yeah, you'll be a really great instructor! And I bet you'll get a great job and meet amazing people! In six months..." Hopefully her smart words stick in my brain for next year. I doubt I'm going to have people telling me, "Wow! You did those dishes so well today. I know it was a huge challenge but you stepped right up and showed us your true talent and strength." But this is where life has currently taken me and I have to accept it. Like most things, it's just a phase and this too shall pass, so I may as well live in every moment with my boy while I still can.
Okay my wonderful people. I'm going to leave you with a quote from Amy's book that I loved. Come visit. Keep in touch. Xoxo.
"If you can surf your life rather than plant your feet, you will be happier." ~Yes Please. (If you want further insight as to why this is, read her book!)
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