6 MONTH BIRTHDAY!!!

I CANNOT BELIEVE YESTERDAY WAS RYAN'S 6 MONTH MARK!! When I first started this whole motherhood thing, I just kept telling myself stuff like, "Oh, don't even worry about that until he's 6 months. That's so far down the road." Well, it's no longer so far down the road. It's here. I want to slam on the brakes. I absolutely LOVE having a baby. Maybe I should have put "baby" in caps. I have such baby fever now!!! I just want to sit and cuddle babies all day long. He is so precious, and loving, and sweet, and doesn't talk. He's like a puppy, and we all know how much I love puppies-I have three. I'm not at all ready for him to become a toddler. Or a kid. Oh my, thinking of living with a  kid sounds awful ha! I'm not a kid person. But I also wasn't a baby person, so it'll be interesting to see how life continues to change me.

6 month baby!!!! Nothing makes him happier than his daddy :)

We had his six month check up yesterday!!! His pediatrician (Dr. McCaig for those of you here who need a good recommendation) is so amazing. I'm in love with him (not as a husband, but as my baby's doctor). I am devastated that this was our last appointment with him. After the 6 month check up, he informed us that babies don't need to be seen except every 3-6 months. He said if we are staying here, Ry is so healthy that he wouldn't need to see us until his 12 month (oy, I could collapse thinking how soon that is) mark. Whether we move next month or not, we're still due to be out of AK before his 12 month mark. I wish we could take Dr. McCaig with! :( :( :( Oh well, even if we stayed, he'd probably leave us. That's the beauty of military life.

Anyway, our appointment went well! The pediatrician was impressed with how well Ryan was sitting up. He weighed in at 18lbs 10 oz (he was 17lbs at his 4 month check up) in the 73%! Not nearly as tubby as he used to be but still a big, healthy boy! His height is 25 inches (last check up was 24) and he dropped from 46 to 11% lol. The doctor didn't really seem to care. He said all of his measurements are right on track and he is a very healthy boy! My short chunk! Oh, how I love him so much. I have a feeling this kid may be tall at some point, the size of his feet and hands are massive! He needs to grow into them.

Those cheeks make my heart melt. 

One other update about our little man is he has what I thought is a little skin virus on his chin. It basically looks like a pimple, but it's been there for almost 2 months now (super tempting not to pop it). I brought it up to the pediatrician and he agreed that it's most likely a virus and to put some Neosporin on it and see if that helps reduce the redness at all. He also said it may take a while to go away. Nothing too crazy to worry about, but that's what that thing on his chin in every picture is. Our baby isn't a grease ball.

Now that he's six months, he's ready to start eating solids. We tried yesterday with a banana. It did not go well. He made faces of disgust every time the banana touched his mouth. The genius that our baby is... he already knows how to put a spoon in his mouth, so we put little mushy pieces on the spoon but he still managed to spit it out. We will try again these next few days and get him familiar with it and if not, we'll move on to a new food.

This face says it all. Banana is not his friend

Mommy confession: I freaked out about feeding him solids. I have been SO excited all week to watch Ryan attempt to eat a banana but as soon as I put those teenie tiny mushy pieces in front of his hands, I regretted it. I had a minor panic attack which sounded something like this, "Omg, no G, I don't think we should do this. What if he chokes? What do we do? I regret this. Take the banana away. He's not ready for this. I'm not ready for this. He's going to choke. Those pieces are still too big. Mash them up more! I don't want him to eat. Get him out. What if he chokes???" I think all of that was said within approximately 3 seconds time. Well, he didn't choke. Mostly because he didn't want the banana anywhere near his mouth. I was secretly relieved that he didn't want to eat. But I know this is now a new part of our routine and feeding him solids is something we're going to attempt every day. Forever. And I know "choking" is a part of learning (not the kind that requires CPR) but I'm still a little skeptical. Oh well, I'll get over it. I can't let this kid live off of my boobies forever. Ain't nobody got time for that.

So grown up! I can't handle it. (P.S. I assembled this bad boy all by myself)

I had done some reading (all the time) last month and came across something that said around 6 months, Ry starts to get really impressionable and we need to start watching what we say because this is when his learning is going to start taking off (even though it'll be a while before he has conversations with us). I've already noticed this happening in the past month. When we was three months, I read another thing that said some babies will start recognizing their favorite nursery rhymes and books. When I read that, I thought, "How in the world am I supposed to know if he recognizes something. I can't read his brain.."Three months ago.. how stupid and naive I still was. I know my baby more than ever right now and I can tell you, he already has favorite songs. This kid can be screaming his head off and I'll start singing out a song with no response, but if I throw in a line of Happy and You Know It or 5 In the Bed, he will stop his crying and start smiling and laughing while I sing. (And I swear-ask G- yesterday, we were singing Happy and You Know It and Ry totally clapped his hands at the right part. Was it a fluke? Probably. But I'm going to stick with the notion that Ryan's the smartest baby ever.)

We've had a LOT of poop explosions lately. And let me tell you.. Target wipes are not the wipes for 6 month old explosions. It kind of sucks that we bought the giant sized box of them, so we still have maybe 4 full packages left. They are so flimsy and small. I end up with poop all over my fingers every time. So nasty. They worked really well when he was only a few months old and had little baby poops, and they do work fine for normal sized diaper changes, but when it comes to blow outs, I don't know if my cost-effective wipes are really worth it. Maybe when it comes to wipes, it's the same concept as make-up or Charmin: Less is more. (Not applying this to the price). I'd probably only need two brand name wipes whereas I'm tossing endless amounts of Target band into the poop mess. Not worth it to me.

Speaking of Target.. such a rip off! I was shopping yesterday for swim wear for Ry (!!!!!!) for the summer (I'm ready for ya, GA) and found an item that did not have the perforated bottom of the tag ripped off like all of the other clothes. Guess what it said on that one tag that I found? $10. Flip the tag over and there's a sticker that said $11.99. What a rip off! I know retailers bump up the price to make a profit, but when I see something that says it's $10 and then the Target price is $2 more, you better believe I'm taking it to the register to get the prices adjusted! And now, every time I shop at Target, I'm going to look through every item of clothes to see if there's just ONE that has the original price on there. Baby clothes is expensive, so I'll take what I can get.

Speaking of which, I'm also that crazy lady that shops sales now for clothes Ryan won't wear for another year. I found a really cute 18 month sweatshirt for $3 that I bought so he can wear next winter. A few months ago, I found a tee-shirt for $1 and a Zip up for $2 that he can hopefully wear this summer in GA. I'm not going to pay $15-20 for something he'll wear for maybe 3 months. That's crazy! (Unless it's something specific, like holiday or his 12 month bday item.) The ironic part is that I would never buy that kind of stuff for my kid, but I totally would pay $20 for a onesie for a friend's baby! And that's my theory too. Let's friends and family buy the expensive stuff. Why? Because they only need to do it once. I need to buy the whole closet full! And I'm only a Zumba instructor. Ha!

Zumba has been going so well!!! I'm finally getting my body back into the swing of things and back to the high energy levels I used to have! I'm not 100% there yet, but it's getting closer. But I'm very happy at where I'm at right now. I still have a lifetime to let myself recover. Unless we decide to have a second...

6 month progress! Girl look at that body (I work out)

Oh goodness, this is a whole other topic. I don't know if it's the birth control or what, but I have been SUPER hormonal lately and more moody than when I was pregnant (I really wasn't moody when pregnant). My brain has been having a never ending debate about a second child. It's on my mind ALL the time. I sometimes can't sleep over it. I really don't know if I want a second child or not. Here's the deal-I already have 4 bodies to keep alive and a husband. I feel like I spend so much energy taking care of Ryan that the pups never get attention any more. Then when Ry goes to sleep, I finally get cuddle time with my babies and then G comes home and feels left out. I feel like no matter who I spend time with, there's always someone left out. I love my dogs so incredibly much and they already don't get the attention they deserve, that I imagine how it'll be with a 6 body added to my list. It seriously makes me want to cry thinking about them being neglected and ignored. Like I said, my puppies are my children and they forever have my heart.

Also, I love Ryan so unbelievably much that I don't ever want him to feel like he's being ignored or neglected. I don't want to miss a single thing that he does. I want to be there to see every step of him learning and growing up. I want to go to all of his games and school events and I want to be there with a smile on my face-not stressed out from juggling him and his little brother/sister or having to miss out on the school play because my baby is crying and I have to leave the room. Plus, G and I are huge travelers. We want to see the world. If we can, we'd like to have Ry see the world with us. Having a second only diminishes our budget of what we can do (don't even get me started on the price of having the dogs taken care of while we're gone for a week). I'd rather do more with Ry then less with two. Or would I?

I also don't want Ryan to have the "only child" blues. I know there's going to be a time where he tells us he wants a little brother or sister and I'll feel incredibly guilty. When G's mom passed away, I thought to myself I want another child so that Ry will never feel alone when he and I are gone, but I also realize that even though I have a sister, I still have my really close friends who are like sisters to me, and Ry will get that too, sibling or not so he won't actually be alone. And if we do go on vacations, Ry would probably have more fun going with someone closer to his own age... although he has cousins that we could bring with us (with maybe spending money from mom?) so they can play together. This is my brain. It's constantly going back and forth. I don't want to regret never having a second, but I don't want to be so stressed out that I stop appreciating the family that I have. It's not like I have to make this decision today, but I seriously can't shake these thoughts. EVER. It's torture. And welcome to my life.

<3

Okay, I'll end with a mommy fail. This week has been so incredibly stressful. We're still dealing with stupid court stuff, and as I said, my hormones are all over the place. I yelled at Ryan when he was fussy. Yelled at him. As if he has any idea what the hell I was saying or what he was even doing "wrong". G came home and I told him I'm a terrible person. What kind of sick person yells at a 6 month old baby? I'm sure you all are going to say the same thing he told me. It's okay. He'd rather me yell than do other worse things people do to their kids and it's normal to get frustrated. I know, I know, it's not like it's something I do all the time, but I still feel so incredibly guilty and terrible. I don't ever want to yell at him again. He's my sweet angel baby who can do no wrong and I love him so much. I at least owe it to him to be the best mother I can be at all times. He deserves more than that. I wish I could give him the whole world and promise him a future of happiness and success. But I can't. So at least I will give him the things that I know I can control.

Well that's all for today. We'll see how the week of banana eating goes, and Sunday I start on a new birth control so hopefully moody momma doesn't turn into psycho bitch. That's probably the one thing I miss about pregnancy-the guarantee without hormones. You can't get pregnant cause you already are! Who knows, if the pill ends up not agreeing with me like it used to, maybe I will try one of those new technology IUDs or something :/ Happy weekend to all!!!