Baby's First... March?

O.M.G. I have so much to say! It's been so long. I've been looking for a day where I had a couple hours to just sit and focus and today is finally that day! FINALLLLLLY! Phew.

Let me start by saying that daylight savings is a little beeee-atch. It took Ryan a week and a half to get adjusted. Oh wait, that's false. Ryan managed to fall asleep about 5:30 and woke up between 4:30-5. I, on the other hand, could not fall asleep, and by the time I did, it'd be like waking up at 3:30 everyday to start my day. So basically, I missed out on 2 hours of sleep each night. But then Ryan's eating and napping throughout the day was off which made for a grumpy baby til bed time. We had a handful of rough days. I'd wake up in the morning wishing I had a 9-5 job because it'd be easier than taking care of a baby all day. But we're back on track and things are much better-well, more or less.

My little monkey

I switched from the progesterone only BC to regular BC with estrogen and it's been amazing and awful at the same time. I do not like the person I am without my dose of estrogen! The POP made me sooooo moody and axious and uptight!! I could not handle my emotions. I went over a week without making it to the gym-which is not like me at all, and my body felt so incredibly run down that I didn't even want to get up off the couch. It was worse than pregnancy! I even took a pregnancy test because all of the symptoms reminded me of my first trimester! It was not fun. It took a while for my hormones to regulate after I made the switch, but this new BC has made me a happier girl-I feel like myself again. That's the good news.

The bad news is once I switched, my milk supply went down. A lot. I used to pump 5 oz in 5 min on one side, and then I was barely able to pump 1 once between both sides. It was devastating. I noticed it was taking Ry a lot longer to eat and after I pumped, I found out why. I talked to our lactation specialist yesterday and she gave me some good ideas. She said to eat oatmeal, flaxseed, and barley and those not only boost my supply, but also the quality of my milk. I think I'm going to look up some recipes for lactation cookies (basically cookies with those ingredients) and start eating them. I've also been drinking Mother's Milk tea (which contains flaxseed and fenugreek) along with trying to pump throughout the day and feed Ryan more often to try to help out. I think it's working-I was able to pump 3 oz the other day!!!

Just chilling on the couch like a big boy! I can't believe how grown up he is

It's seriously such a sad feeling when you think you can't supply your own child with milk. I felt so inadequate and wanted to cry at the thought that my breast feeding days might be over and I'd have to switch to formula. I feel it for the mama's that can't breast feed. Even though it isn't your fault, it still makes you feel like it is. I'm seriously going to try everything I can to prevent myself from completely drying up. And I can't sit here saying I didn't know. The doctor warned me that it could happen once I switched my BC over, but they also said if I felt my supply was strong, it'd probably be fine-and my supply was extremely strong! I guess I didn't think it'd actually happen. Oh well, I'm remedying it!

Ryan's becoming quite the little eater!!! At first he was not a fan of the bananas, but now he's a pro! We also introduced him to brown rice cereal. He's adorable! It took a while for him to get a hang of it. I had to do one bit for me, one for him. Once he saw what he was supposed to do, he did it! And I'd cheer after each bite which made him excited to keep eating. Now, as soon as he swallows his bite, he'll yell at me until I spoon the next one in his mouth. I originally wanted to try led weaning, where he feeds himself with small bites of food while exploring, but that didn't see to work out too well for us. Maybe I'll try again as he gets more familiar with his foods.

Ready for spring!

Now that Ry's older, he's napping less, which means going out and running errands includes a baby who's awake. It makes it so much harder to get things done. If he's grumpy, it makes my day that much more stressful. I might invest in one of those cart covers so he can ride around with me outside of his car seat-not because I'm worried about him being exposed to germs (I definitely think the more germs, the better for his immunity system) but because even though he sits up, he's still too little to sit in there without any cushion. But I do love hanging out with him! The other day, G asked me if I wanted to leave Ry home while I ran errands and I said no, because then I wouldn't have a shopping buddy. As frustrating as it is to get things done somethings, I still love the fact that he goes with me everywhere! BESTIES.

Now that he's sitting up on his own, we've transitioned bath time to a solo event. Last week was maybe the third time ever G got to be there for bath time and he watched as Ry sat up on his own in the tub. I threw in a few of his bath toys and it was adorable!! He would splash around in the water and watch the boat and turtle float around him. We skipped bath time last night because we had stuff going on, but I'm going to make up for it tonight and I can't wait. It's too cute to pass up. We only do the full-on bath time once a week and the other nights, we do sponge baths because trying to do that every night would be a nightmare.

He loves his daddy!!! Playing together

He's such a big boy and so incredibly fun to hang out with. He's mostly all smiles and such an independent player. I can just sit and watch him play all day long. Most of the time, he doesn't even care if I'm there or not, which makes getting things done around the house a little easier. I love his face so much!!!!

I guess I don't have nearly as much to say as I thought I did-mostly because I can't remember half of the stuff I wanted to talk about. I guess I'll make a shout out to one of my amazingly beautiful friends. She's about to have a baby any day now!!! I'm so incredibly excited for her!!!! The thing is, I remember how terrified I was before having Ry. Everyone talked about the pain (which yes, that part was so true-but every situation is different) and everyone was so focused on, "oh, get sleep now while you can cause you'll never sleep" and people would keep saying, "just wait-it gets worse" or if their baby cries they'd say, "this is what you have to look forward to" and everything was so negative. Well I disagree.

He toppled over while playing. He didn't cry or try to move, he just gave up on life and laid there. Lol! He cracks me up. 

You're going to be tired as %#*& but the fact of the matter is-it's so worth it! My favorite part was waking up at 3am to Ry trying to talk to me because for whatever reason, that's the time of the morning he liked to talk and it was so incredibly cute. Your baby cries because he needs something and he's trying to talk to you-not because he wants to make your life miserable. Hearing him cry breaks my heart-it doesn't annoy me (although I do have those days). I love every second I have with him and I hate when I pick him up in the morning and he's bigger than he was the day before. In fact, I hear him stirring right now and I'm soooo excited that I get to go run over and play with him because I've missed him the past two hours he's been sleeping (yes, we got up at 4 today and I am excited to still see him). The labor pain is unimaginable, but I would 100% go back and do that again just to start all over with this amazing bundle of joy that I get to claim as mine. Motherhood is amazing. And you know what else is unimaginable? The love you get from this child! It outweighs the pain more than you can ever guess until it happens. And even better? It's not something that only lasts for a few hours-the love is every day!

Okay, time to hang out with my little man :) :) :) xoxoxo to you all! Thanks for being a part of my life!

P.S. Mommy fail: I'm totally watching Frozen this morning. I hate when Ry watches the TV, but I know he likes the songs from Pandora so I'll allow it this time.

6 MONTH BIRTHDAY!!!

I CANNOT BELIEVE YESTERDAY WAS RYAN'S 6 MONTH MARK!! When I first started this whole motherhood thing, I just kept telling myself stuff like, "Oh, don't even worry about that until he's 6 months. That's so far down the road." Well, it's no longer so far down the road. It's here. I want to slam on the brakes. I absolutely LOVE having a baby. Maybe I should have put "baby" in caps. I have such baby fever now!!! I just want to sit and cuddle babies all day long. He is so precious, and loving, and sweet, and doesn't talk. He's like a puppy, and we all know how much I love puppies-I have three. I'm not at all ready for him to become a toddler. Or a kid. Oh my, thinking of living with a  kid sounds awful ha! I'm not a kid person. But I also wasn't a baby person, so it'll be interesting to see how life continues to change me.

6 month baby!!!! Nothing makes him happier than his daddy :)

We had his six month check up yesterday!!! His pediatrician (Dr. McCaig for those of you here who need a good recommendation) is so amazing. I'm in love with him (not as a husband, but as my baby's doctor). I am devastated that this was our last appointment with him. After the 6 month check up, he informed us that babies don't need to be seen except every 3-6 months. He said if we are staying here, Ry is so healthy that he wouldn't need to see us until his 12 month (oy, I could collapse thinking how soon that is) mark. Whether we move next month or not, we're still due to be out of AK before his 12 month mark. I wish we could take Dr. McCaig with! :( :( :( Oh well, even if we stayed, he'd probably leave us. That's the beauty of military life.

Anyway, our appointment went well! The pediatrician was impressed with how well Ryan was sitting up. He weighed in at 18lbs 10 oz (he was 17lbs at his 4 month check up) in the 73%! Not nearly as tubby as he used to be but still a big, healthy boy! His height is 25 inches (last check up was 24) and he dropped from 46 to 11% lol. The doctor didn't really seem to care. He said all of his measurements are right on track and he is a very healthy boy! My short chunk! Oh, how I love him so much. I have a feeling this kid may be tall at some point, the size of his feet and hands are massive! He needs to grow into them.

Those cheeks make my heart melt. 

One other update about our little man is he has what I thought is a little skin virus on his chin. It basically looks like a pimple, but it's been there for almost 2 months now (super tempting not to pop it). I brought it up to the pediatrician and he agreed that it's most likely a virus and to put some Neosporin on it and see if that helps reduce the redness at all. He also said it may take a while to go away. Nothing too crazy to worry about, but that's what that thing on his chin in every picture is. Our baby isn't a grease ball.

Now that he's six months, he's ready to start eating solids. We tried yesterday with a banana. It did not go well. He made faces of disgust every time the banana touched his mouth. The genius that our baby is... he already knows how to put a spoon in his mouth, so we put little mushy pieces on the spoon but he still managed to spit it out. We will try again these next few days and get him familiar with it and if not, we'll move on to a new food.

This face says it all. Banana is not his friend

Mommy confession: I freaked out about feeding him solids. I have been SO excited all week to watch Ryan attempt to eat a banana but as soon as I put those teenie tiny mushy pieces in front of his hands, I regretted it. I had a minor panic attack which sounded something like this, "Omg, no G, I don't think we should do this. What if he chokes? What do we do? I regret this. Take the banana away. He's not ready for this. I'm not ready for this. He's going to choke. Those pieces are still too big. Mash them up more! I don't want him to eat. Get him out. What if he chokes???" I think all of that was said within approximately 3 seconds time. Well, he didn't choke. Mostly because he didn't want the banana anywhere near his mouth. I was secretly relieved that he didn't want to eat. But I know this is now a new part of our routine and feeding him solids is something we're going to attempt every day. Forever. And I know "choking" is a part of learning (not the kind that requires CPR) but I'm still a little skeptical. Oh well, I'll get over it. I can't let this kid live off of my boobies forever. Ain't nobody got time for that.

So grown up! I can't handle it. (P.S. I assembled this bad boy all by myself)

I had done some reading (all the time) last month and came across something that said around 6 months, Ry starts to get really impressionable and we need to start watching what we say because this is when his learning is going to start taking off (even though it'll be a while before he has conversations with us). I've already noticed this happening in the past month. When we was three months, I read another thing that said some babies will start recognizing their favorite nursery rhymes and books. When I read that, I thought, "How in the world am I supposed to know if he recognizes something. I can't read his brain.."Three months ago.. how stupid and naive I still was. I know my baby more than ever right now and I can tell you, he already has favorite songs. This kid can be screaming his head off and I'll start singing out a song with no response, but if I throw in a line of Happy and You Know It or 5 In the Bed, he will stop his crying and start smiling and laughing while I sing. (And I swear-ask G- yesterday, we were singing Happy and You Know It and Ry totally clapped his hands at the right part. Was it a fluke? Probably. But I'm going to stick with the notion that Ryan's the smartest baby ever.)

We've had a LOT of poop explosions lately. And let me tell you.. Target wipes are not the wipes for 6 month old explosions. It kind of sucks that we bought the giant sized box of them, so we still have maybe 4 full packages left. They are so flimsy and small. I end up with poop all over my fingers every time. So nasty. They worked really well when he was only a few months old and had little baby poops, and they do work fine for normal sized diaper changes, but when it comes to blow outs, I don't know if my cost-effective wipes are really worth it. Maybe when it comes to wipes, it's the same concept as make-up or Charmin: Less is more. (Not applying this to the price). I'd probably only need two brand name wipes whereas I'm tossing endless amounts of Target band into the poop mess. Not worth it to me.

Speaking of Target.. such a rip off! I was shopping yesterday for swim wear for Ry (!!!!!!) for the summer (I'm ready for ya, GA) and found an item that did not have the perforated bottom of the tag ripped off like all of the other clothes. Guess what it said on that one tag that I found? $10. Flip the tag over and there's a sticker that said $11.99. What a rip off! I know retailers bump up the price to make a profit, but when I see something that says it's $10 and then the Target price is $2 more, you better believe I'm taking it to the register to get the prices adjusted! And now, every time I shop at Target, I'm going to look through every item of clothes to see if there's just ONE that has the original price on there. Baby clothes is expensive, so I'll take what I can get.

Speaking of which, I'm also that crazy lady that shops sales now for clothes Ryan won't wear for another year. I found a really cute 18 month sweatshirt for $3 that I bought so he can wear next winter. A few months ago, I found a tee-shirt for $1 and a Zip up for $2 that he can hopefully wear this summer in GA. I'm not going to pay $15-20 for something he'll wear for maybe 3 months. That's crazy! (Unless it's something specific, like holiday or his 12 month bday item.) The ironic part is that I would never buy that kind of stuff for my kid, but I totally would pay $20 for a onesie for a friend's baby! And that's my theory too. Let's friends and family buy the expensive stuff. Why? Because they only need to do it once. I need to buy the whole closet full! And I'm only a Zumba instructor. Ha!

Zumba has been going so well!!! I'm finally getting my body back into the swing of things and back to the high energy levels I used to have! I'm not 100% there yet, but it's getting closer. But I'm very happy at where I'm at right now. I still have a lifetime to let myself recover. Unless we decide to have a second...

6 month progress! Girl look at that body (I work out)

Oh goodness, this is a whole other topic. I don't know if it's the birth control or what, but I have been SUPER hormonal lately and more moody than when I was pregnant (I really wasn't moody when pregnant). My brain has been having a never ending debate about a second child. It's on my mind ALL the time. I sometimes can't sleep over it. I really don't know if I want a second child or not. Here's the deal-I already have 4 bodies to keep alive and a husband. I feel like I spend so much energy taking care of Ryan that the pups never get attention any more. Then when Ry goes to sleep, I finally get cuddle time with my babies and then G comes home and feels left out. I feel like no matter who I spend time with, there's always someone left out. I love my dogs so incredibly much and they already don't get the attention they deserve, that I imagine how it'll be with a 6 body added to my list. It seriously makes me want to cry thinking about them being neglected and ignored. Like I said, my puppies are my children and they forever have my heart.

Also, I love Ryan so unbelievably much that I don't ever want him to feel like he's being ignored or neglected. I don't want to miss a single thing that he does. I want to be there to see every step of him learning and growing up. I want to go to all of his games and school events and I want to be there with a smile on my face-not stressed out from juggling him and his little brother/sister or having to miss out on the school play because my baby is crying and I have to leave the room. Plus, G and I are huge travelers. We want to see the world. If we can, we'd like to have Ry see the world with us. Having a second only diminishes our budget of what we can do (don't even get me started on the price of having the dogs taken care of while we're gone for a week). I'd rather do more with Ry then less with two. Or would I?

I also don't want Ryan to have the "only child" blues. I know there's going to be a time where he tells us he wants a little brother or sister and I'll feel incredibly guilty. When G's mom passed away, I thought to myself I want another child so that Ry will never feel alone when he and I are gone, but I also realize that even though I have a sister, I still have my really close friends who are like sisters to me, and Ry will get that too, sibling or not so he won't actually be alone. And if we do go on vacations, Ry would probably have more fun going with someone closer to his own age... although he has cousins that we could bring with us (with maybe spending money from mom?) so they can play together. This is my brain. It's constantly going back and forth. I don't want to regret never having a second, but I don't want to be so stressed out that I stop appreciating the family that I have. It's not like I have to make this decision today, but I seriously can't shake these thoughts. EVER. It's torture. And welcome to my life.

<3

Okay, I'll end with a mommy fail. This week has been so incredibly stressful. We're still dealing with stupid court stuff, and as I said, my hormones are all over the place. I yelled at Ryan when he was fussy. Yelled at him. As if he has any idea what the hell I was saying or what he was even doing "wrong". G came home and I told him I'm a terrible person. What kind of sick person yells at a 6 month old baby? I'm sure you all are going to say the same thing he told me. It's okay. He'd rather me yell than do other worse things people do to their kids and it's normal to get frustrated. I know, I know, it's not like it's something I do all the time, but I still feel so incredibly guilty and terrible. I don't ever want to yell at him again. He's my sweet angel baby who can do no wrong and I love him so much. I at least owe it to him to be the best mother I can be at all times. He deserves more than that. I wish I could give him the whole world and promise him a future of happiness and success. But I can't. So at least I will give him the things that I know I can control.

Well that's all for today. We'll see how the week of banana eating goes, and Sunday I start on a new birth control so hopefully moody momma doesn't turn into psycho bitch. That's probably the one thing I miss about pregnancy-the guarantee without hormones. You can't get pregnant cause you already are! Who knows, if the pill ends up not agreeing with me like it used to, maybe I will try one of those new technology IUDs or something :/ Happy weekend to all!!!

March Madness

It's a new month!!! Which obviously means I have a whole list of new goals. This is going to be an insane month all around. Ry turns 6 months on Friday!!! which means solids will be a part of his every day life. That's more work for me, more cleaning for me, more stress for me, new BC for me, and a whole lot of craziness. Not only do we have 2 more court dates this month, but we are still waiting on orders to find out if we're moving in LESS than two months. Which means there's a lot of prepping to get finalized. I'm reaching my final weeks in my couch to 10K program, I have a 5K on the books, lots of Zumba including a day-long training session, and goals of trying to keep my body from aching every second of the day (mostly includes a LOT of yoga and stretching). And of course, I really want to eat healthier, but I think I have that goal every week. 

We had a giant day care success this week... RYAN DRANK 3 1/2 OZ FROM A BOTTLE!!! It doesn't sound like much, but that's the first time he's had more than an oz since the first 3 weeks of his life. Which means..... daddy can be the one to feed him at times AND I can trust him to be away from me for more than 2-3 hours. It's super stressful worrying whether or not he'll eat if I'm not there. Especially when court days come up and take up a good 5 hours of your day... ugh. 

He's such a silly little boy!! 

Another goal I'm going to work on..... getting Ryan to sleep in! How do I do this, you ask? He usually wakes up anywhere from 4:30-5am. Which is fine. Like I said, I really don't mind waking up early. But there are going to be nights where we start going out and having date nights and will want to sleep in a bit the next day. So here's my plan: Every morning I'm going to try to delay feeding him 5 minutes past the usual time. As the days going on, I'll prolong feedings 10 mins, 15 mins, 20 mins etc. until we hit may 90 mins or so. That way, Ry won't wake up so early feeling like he needs to eat and I'm hoping it'll either get him to sleep in more or at least play quietly in his crib while I sleep. We will see how it goes. 

This weekend is Fur Rondy weekend. I LOVE Fur Rondy (for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, it's a giant festival in AK leading up to the Iditarod) because I am in love with the dog sled races! I fell in love our first year here. However, due to NO FREAKING SNOW in alaska (seriously, you can see grass on the ground now and the mountains haven't been completely covered once this winter), they were cancelled this year. And the Iditarod next week is pushed out to starting up in Fairbanks so I won't get to see any mush dogs this year. It's as if this state is telling me there's no reason for me to stay and it's time to move. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE living in Alaska, but I hate being so far away from family and G and I are travelers. I'm sick of paying $1,000 just to fly out of the state to go anywhere. Plus, education is not a huge value out here, and people are idiots. Seriously, if I have one more job out here that screws up my paycheck..... I'm dealing with ANOTHER pay check f*@% up and it's pissing me off. That's the 4th place now that I've had issues with. Like I said, people are just &*@%ing stupid out here. Maybe it's prepping me for when we go back to the south... Although that's a whole different breed of stupid... I hate people so much sometimes... I wish we could send certain people to a 3rd world nation for a week just so they can realize how lucky they are to live in this country and have basic things like plumbing and education. Okay, I'm getting off onto a rant. Let's switch back. 

I have been testing out a lot of the Honest Co. products. This is Jessica Alba's line of all chemical free baby products. If you go to their site, you can get free samples sent to your home (however, you have to cancel the subscription so you don't get charged). I tested their diapers, along with lotion, body wash/shampoo, hand soap, cleaner, and healing ointment. At first, I loved their diapers. They are ADORABLE because they have little patterns on them, so I went to Target and bought a box of them. Yes, they are more expensive, but if it's better for my baby, I don't mind paying extra. I noticed that Ryan was more fussy overnight in them. It's really hard to tell when he's peed in them, so I don't think they absorb the moisture as well as our other brands (mostly Target) do. For me, I don't think it's worth it for my baby to be uncomfortable all the time and unable to sleep through the night. Plus, that's how rashes start-too much moisture. I think I'll take my chances (and save my money) and stick to the regular diaper brands. 

As for the other products. The lotion... it's doesn't absorb into his skin. Every time I put it on his face, it gets smeared around like sunscreen. And I'm 80% sure it's made his cheeks break out into a rash. It could be coincidence with the fact that they were exposed to the outdoor weather and got cold and cracked, but I really don't think that's the case. We had no issues with the body wash/shampoo two in one combo. It was convenient to be able to use the same product for both. The cleaner... I like the idea that it's safe so I use it on his toys on occasion, however it doesn't clean my kitchen counters. It doesn't get food stains out. I keep it around for things that are just a little dusty that I know Ry will come into contact with-nothing that actually needs cleansing. The healing ointment I love!! I think the actual product is like... $11 or something, but I think I'll still pay for it. It healed his cracked cheeks quickly and is great when he scratches his face or has blemishes. I'm obsessed. 

Now that I have a little sitter-upper, Ry is now back into fitting into his 3-6 month clothes. I think he lost a little weight using all the core strength to stay upright. That makes me happy. I don't want him to grow!!! Of course, there are a few of his onesies (the ones that seem to shrink down to 3 month sizes) that no longer fit-either because they aren't long enough near the snaps or his sleeves are too short. It's crazy... it seems like the bigger he gets, the smaller he gets. He's growing into such a big baby, but it only makes him more and more into a little person! Each day he's less baby and more grown up. I can't handle it! I know one day, he's going to be this teenage boy who is ready to leave the house, and I'm just going to sit and remember how incredibly adorable his tiny body was in his footie pajamas, in my arms while I fed him. *Sigh* He's practically going to college next week. 

Such a big boy. Loving his ball pit. 

This reminds me, my mom is also coming to visit at the end of the month!! She had free airline miles so I told her to waste them on a trip out here. And she is :) I can't wait. 

Okay, Ryan is fussing hard core now. Maybe because he was up since 4. Nap time..