37-6 (or 38-5?)

Tomorrow is my two week countdown to our furthest due date estimate. So many emotions all at once I don't know where to begin.

I don't feel like he's coming any time soon. Before, I had a feeling he'd be here early, but now I'm sensing he won't get here until the 15th or so. It sucks. If I were in another situation I think I'd be fine waiting around (let's face it, I'm not that big, I'm still working out 5 times a week, I still feel pretty amazing minus minimal aches once in a while, and sleeping has actually gotten better now that I clutch my pillow to my chest throughout the night.) I wouldn't care if he took his sweet ass time, however we're on a deadline here. I really want to optimize the time my husband has with his son before he goes off for 9 months early in October. I feel like there's a lot of pressure on my body to get this little mongrel out, and it's making me sad that I just can't do it for him.

Last week vs. this week. I feel more round-whether it's from the fact that he positioned himself more in front, I gained wait from not teaching this week, or he's rebelled and moved upwards so he can sprawl himself out and kick the crap out of me more successfully. 

I'm still staying active in hopes that it'll help with labor, not just the process but getting there as well. We have a long weekend coming up so I'm going to try to use my husband's company to an advantage to go on long walks. I've read somewhere that primrose oil might also help induce labor. I going to talk to my doctor about that one first, but I wouldn't be opposed. I don't want the doctors to induce me because at this hospital, about 33% of births are via c-section, and that mostly due to the request of inductions (the nurse explained in it more detail) but to me, that's a high number and I don't want to risk my baby coming out through surgery unless necessary. But if I can "naturally" induce at home, I'm not going to complain ;)

I think the best advice was given to me last night. A woman told me, "Be sure to relish these last few days." I have been getting little kicks to my belly for the past 4 months and it's going to be so weird not having him in there. It's going to be terrifying knowing that I can't always keep him as safe as he was inside me. I am already so overprotective of my body and (despite my awful, awful sugar binges) I do try to keep what I eat pretty clean and nourishing for him. I know as soon as he's out, he'll practically just be moving out and going to college and saying "See ya mom" and I'll never know if he's actually getting his veggies! Okay, that was a little dramatic and I'm not too worried about letting go in all honesty, but it's still just weird that I won't have a little baby in my belly. It's kind of fun. I think if I could be an animal, I'd enjoy being a kangaroo.

Lumpy belly. Pretty sure that's his butt jabbing me. 

Now that fall is upon us (at least here in Alaska it is), I have not been more ready to fit into my regular jeans. I miss non-maternity pants! Don't get me wrong, the skinny jeans I had that were maternity were AWESOME, but I'm now getting sick of the bright blue color they are and ready for some change. I know it's going to take some time to get back into my regular pants, but I'm so ready to start trying.

Also, now that I'm done with (teaching) Zumba, I keep thinking of all the goals I have for next year that I can't wait to get started on. I literally am just waiting around for the day I can get back to my job and doing what I love to do and improve my skills. I feel like the longer I wait around for him, the more I'm putting off my personal dreams and goals. But I guess that's motherhood in general.

I am bored. I am enjoying my last days, but at the same time ready for pregnancy to be over, BUT also not ready for the next step: motherhood. I am so pumped about having a baby, but I know adjusting to the fact that I can't enjoy the end of my 20s the way I envisioned is going to be rough. It took me a little while to adjust to the changes of marriage, and I love being married now (and I've actually learned that it's OUR money, not his. He can pay my bills. It's okay.) so I know motherhood will be basically the same. I also know it's going to be an awfully rough year and as soon as Ryan comes out, the reality of everything is going to sink it. I am a master at putting off feelings, so I think it's going to be one giant postpartum rush of emotions. Hope my hubby is ready for that!!!

So I've got this going on now. No hands!

Tonight we have part two of our pregnancy class. I think they go over breast feeding in this one. Breastfeeding: still the weirdest thought in the world! To think that a part of your body has an actual function for supplying food for a person.. I really don't like the idea of being sucked dry and I know it's going to hurt a little at first. I am 100% for breastfeeding, don't get me wrong, which is why I'm doing it, but I wish I could just... not do it haha. Or use someone else's body parts. I think cow's udders are really weird and I have stopped drinking milk (for the most part) because the concept of drinking another animals milk is just disturbing. I don't even think animals nursing their babies are cute. It was cute in the cartoon version of 101 Dalmatians, but when I see it in reality, it's still foreign to me. But I'll get used to it, and I'll probably even love doing it. Just don't let me be that mom that loves it so much I feed until my baby is off to school. I think once he can ask for milk, he's too old for the breast-that's my opinion though!

Okay, enough blabbing. Next drs appt is Tuesday. I'm really hoping they will do an estimate of how big he will be. And I really hope that estimate is under 9 pounds! I was a big baby, and my mom did it without meds. Maybe instead of requesting a push present, I should be getting my mom a push present on my labor day as an "I finally realize your pain and I'm sorry I did that to you. Thank you" present.

Everyone do me a favor this weekend and thinking labor thoughts for me (perfect for labor day? eh? eh?) If I could pop him out next week (I have plans this weekend..lol) I'd be very, very grateful!