37-6 (or 38-5?)

Tomorrow is my two week countdown to our furthest due date estimate. So many emotions all at once I don't know where to begin.

I don't feel like he's coming any time soon. Before, I had a feeling he'd be here early, but now I'm sensing he won't get here until the 15th or so. It sucks. If I were in another situation I think I'd be fine waiting around (let's face it, I'm not that big, I'm still working out 5 times a week, I still feel pretty amazing minus minimal aches once in a while, and sleeping has actually gotten better now that I clutch my pillow to my chest throughout the night.) I wouldn't care if he took his sweet ass time, however we're on a deadline here. I really want to optimize the time my husband has with his son before he goes off for 9 months early in October. I feel like there's a lot of pressure on my body to get this little mongrel out, and it's making me sad that I just can't do it for him.

Last week vs. this week. I feel more round-whether it's from the fact that he positioned himself more in front, I gained wait from not teaching this week, or he's rebelled and moved upwards so he can sprawl himself out and kick the crap out of me more successfully. 

I'm still staying active in hopes that it'll help with labor, not just the process but getting there as well. We have a long weekend coming up so I'm going to try to use my husband's company to an advantage to go on long walks. I've read somewhere that primrose oil might also help induce labor. I going to talk to my doctor about that one first, but I wouldn't be opposed. I don't want the doctors to induce me because at this hospital, about 33% of births are via c-section, and that mostly due to the request of inductions (the nurse explained in it more detail) but to me, that's a high number and I don't want to risk my baby coming out through surgery unless necessary. But if I can "naturally" induce at home, I'm not going to complain ;)

I think the best advice was given to me last night. A woman told me, "Be sure to relish these last few days." I have been getting little kicks to my belly for the past 4 months and it's going to be so weird not having him in there. It's going to be terrifying knowing that I can't always keep him as safe as he was inside me. I am already so overprotective of my body and (despite my awful, awful sugar binges) I do try to keep what I eat pretty clean and nourishing for him. I know as soon as he's out, he'll practically just be moving out and going to college and saying "See ya mom" and I'll never know if he's actually getting his veggies! Okay, that was a little dramatic and I'm not too worried about letting go in all honesty, but it's still just weird that I won't have a little baby in my belly. It's kind of fun. I think if I could be an animal, I'd enjoy being a kangaroo.

Lumpy belly. Pretty sure that's his butt jabbing me. 

Now that fall is upon us (at least here in Alaska it is), I have not been more ready to fit into my regular jeans. I miss non-maternity pants! Don't get me wrong, the skinny jeans I had that were maternity were AWESOME, but I'm now getting sick of the bright blue color they are and ready for some change. I know it's going to take some time to get back into my regular pants, but I'm so ready to start trying.

Also, now that I'm done with (teaching) Zumba, I keep thinking of all the goals I have for next year that I can't wait to get started on. I literally am just waiting around for the day I can get back to my job and doing what I love to do and improve my skills. I feel like the longer I wait around for him, the more I'm putting off my personal dreams and goals. But I guess that's motherhood in general.

I am bored. I am enjoying my last days, but at the same time ready for pregnancy to be over, BUT also not ready for the next step: motherhood. I am so pumped about having a baby, but I know adjusting to the fact that I can't enjoy the end of my 20s the way I envisioned is going to be rough. It took me a little while to adjust to the changes of marriage, and I love being married now (and I've actually learned that it's OUR money, not his. He can pay my bills. It's okay.) so I know motherhood will be basically the same. I also know it's going to be an awfully rough year and as soon as Ryan comes out, the reality of everything is going to sink it. I am a master at putting off feelings, so I think it's going to be one giant postpartum rush of emotions. Hope my hubby is ready for that!!!

So I've got this going on now. No hands!

Tonight we have part two of our pregnancy class. I think they go over breast feeding in this one. Breastfeeding: still the weirdest thought in the world! To think that a part of your body has an actual function for supplying food for a person.. I really don't like the idea of being sucked dry and I know it's going to hurt a little at first. I am 100% for breastfeeding, don't get me wrong, which is why I'm doing it, but I wish I could just... not do it haha. Or use someone else's body parts. I think cow's udders are really weird and I have stopped drinking milk (for the most part) because the concept of drinking another animals milk is just disturbing. I don't even think animals nursing their babies are cute. It was cute in the cartoon version of 101 Dalmatians, but when I see it in reality, it's still foreign to me. But I'll get used to it, and I'll probably even love doing it. Just don't let me be that mom that loves it so much I feed until my baby is off to school. I think once he can ask for milk, he's too old for the breast-that's my opinion though!

Okay, enough blabbing. Next drs appt is Tuesday. I'm really hoping they will do an estimate of how big he will be. And I really hope that estimate is under 9 pounds! I was a big baby, and my mom did it without meds. Maybe instead of requesting a push present, I should be getting my mom a push present on my labor day as an "I finally realize your pain and I'm sorry I did that to you. Thank you" present.

Everyone do me a favor this weekend and thinking labor thoughts for me (perfect for labor day? eh? eh?) If I could pop him out next week (I have plans this weekend..lol) I'd be very, very grateful!

36-4

I can't believe that in one month I should have a baby added to our family. Time is flying by! I'm getting excited and doing my best to stay active, yet not overdo it. Yesterday I went for a walk and had the strangest feeling that I was carrying someone inside my belly. I know that's not necessarily a new revelation, but space is so tight in there now that I can practically feel the way his limbs are all folded up and packed in, whereas before, it was more like a goldfish in a baggie.

I had a doctors appointment yesterday. Another disappointment in their "service". I saw a new midwife on my "team" that I hadn't met before. Good thing I did. She asked me if anyone had mentioned something to me about getting vaccinated. I had talked about vaccines for the baby, but nothing for me. Well, apparently whooping cough is going around these days, and at week 27 I was supposed to get a vaccine for that. I told her that didn't sound familiar at all. She said, "well, let's hope you don't have the baby in the next two weeks because it takes two weeks for the antibodies to start working". Um... cool, glad that was mentioned before-NOT. Stupid. So I got this shot yesterday, and my arm has been KILLING me ever since. I can barely move it. No fun.

Our crib! Waiting to be slept in.

Other than more medical irresponsibly from my "team", they did determine that Ryan's head is down. That's about it. Nothing too exciting on my end.

The weekend however was such an emotional one. Now-since I've been in the 3rd trimester, I've wanted to break down and cry and lots of things. Have I? Not really. I'm pretty good at keeping my shit together when it's not an "emergency" crying situation, but I have been almost brought to tears a lot and this weekend was a big one!

Changing table and our other set of decals :)

Saturday was my last Zumba class taught on base. I was shocked and speechless when my regular Z-ladies came with presents and cupcakes for me! I basically had a mini baby shower there. It was so incredibly kind and thoughtful and I couldn't have been more appreciative. It also made me sad that I have to take a break from teaching them all! It's so hard to give up something you've worked so hard at, succeeded at, and also love doing. Tomorrow night is my final class. I'm a little sad, but the good news is I can keep taking other people's classes until this baby pops out.

My Zumba goodies!!! 

The second great thing about my weekend was my husband. He was so incredibly awesome to me. Now, before I say this, I need to state for the record that G usually helps me out around the house and has picked up my slack during this pregnancy when it comes to carrying dog food, other big items, carrying vacuums up/down stairs, washing the dogs, and all the other things that take too much of a toll on my body these past 8 months. He really is great. But there was just something about this weekend that took him from great, to beyond perfect. It was like he sensed that I was slowing down and needed help, but he did everything one step ahead of me. For example: as I got up to do dishes, I turned and saw him already doing them, or when I asked if he wanted to go to Babies R Us with me to grab some items, he didn't even hesitate and said yes and even let me take my sweet ass time in there, followed by a trip to Target. We got groceries together and he wouldn't even let me pull groceries out of the cart.

Reading and resting area

I think the best part was Saturday night when he cooked dinner for me. He actually told me, "once you sit down, you're stuck there. You're not allowed to get up and help." He not only grilled an amazing steak dinner, but he poured me a mocktail in a wine glass and used our china dishes and we had a fancy date night at home. It was amazing. His thoughtfulness this weekend brought tears to my eyes multiple times. He just took charge and took care of me, and it was exactly what I needed. I am definitely slowing down these days and I am so glad I have him with me to the end of this adventure. *Sigh* He's dreamy.

We have most of our nursery finished. My hospital bag is almost completely packed. There are a couple things left to do, but not much. I've been doing lots of reading on labor. After taking that birthing class, I have given natural birth more thought. I asked G his opinion and he said that natural birth seems to be the least risky-which is true in most cases. I told him I value him opinion, so I wouldn't completely rule it out. I just know that I would need to be more prepared for a natural birth, so we've been doing some research together on breathing techniques. I think once I get through my first wave of contractions and get to the hospital, I'll have a better idea of whether or not I feel prepared for natural birth. I'm still liking the idea of an epidural, but like I said, nothing is 100% determined at this point.

Month-by-month frame and closet full of little clothes! 

Our next class is next week and it's on breastfeeding so I think that will be my next research topic. We are counting down the days until our life forever changes! I'm so prepared and not ready at the same time!

8 Down, 1 To Go!

Boy oh boy is time flying! We are officially down to our last month. Our due date according to base is Sept 12, however, when we were referred out to the Family Sonogram place, they originally told me Sept 6. Honestly, I trust the referral place over the hospital on base's opinion for so many reasons, but I won't get into that rant again. 

These past few weeks have been a roller coaster. Last week was a total 180. I was EXHAUSTED beyond belief! I would wake up, eat breakfast, then fall back asleep for another few hours every day, then also squeeze in a midday nap on top of that. I don't know what was going on, but I just had zero energy. This week, I'm feeling great! I haven't fallen back asleep or taken any naps so far and my Zumba classes have had good energy. Although--my husband is super proud-- I did have to find a sub for one of the classes I was originally going to sub this week. I didn't want to over work my body and I'm still left with 4 classes in my schedule. 

As for Zumba, today was my last Wednesday morning class. I am so sad! I hate saying goodbye to something that I absolutely love doing, but I am glad that I'm nearing the end. Baby Ryan went through a growth spurt again-actually no, it's not that he's grown, it's that my uterus is done growing, therefore he has hardly any room in there. This morning, every time I moved my stomach I felt an elbow or a knee jabbing into my skin and it was not comfortable! It was the first time my movement felt super limited during a workout. I have a feeling my next 4 classes are going to consist of more punches and kicks to my side. 

My last Wednesday morning class :( I'll miss my regulars!

If you've read any of my posts in the last 3 or so months, you'd know this baby is definitely a kicker. Well now his kicks hurt. They aren't cute little flutters, they are giant limbs hitting bones, organs, and my bladder-ALL THE TIME. When he does hit my bladder it makes me almost pee my pants out of no where. (Okay, there was one time while I was teaching that 3 drops did come out... I admit, I did pee my pants.) Let's just say that it's a good thing I have a strong core because it comes in handy trying to hold in emergency situations. 

One thing I am proud of is my body. I gotta say, for 8 months preggo, I do look amazing. I still have my ab lines, I honestly don't even need most of my maternity shirts because I still fit into tops I was wearing before, I fit into my regular yoga pants from before, my fingers haven't swollen yet, nor my feet, and I don't look pregnant from behind. I don't know if I will be blessed on my second child to have the time to stay fit and healthy during pregnancy, so I'm flaunting what I can while I can. And people are constantly telling me how great and beautiful I look and you know what? I'm not going to deny it anymore. I have worked my butt off working out and eating well. I've run multiple 5Ks, kept up with yoga, and averaged teaching 4 classes a week on top of taking other people's Zumba classes in my spare time. I think I truly deserve the compliments, and that's not me being a snob.

Picture of me on my 8th month! 

We took our first birthing class last week. It was okay. I wish they did more of the breathing tactics/visualization stuff to get through contractions. They covered a lot on natural birth vs. epidural vs. c-section. Well, I've done my own research on that stuff, so not much of it was new info, but it was for G so I'm glad he got some insight on what our options are and what all is going down. He told me if it were up to him, he'd do natural birth because it has the least risk involved. I haven't completely knocked that idea out, however I still am all for an epidural. I'm really not worried about the risks involved and I'm not going to try to be a hero and deal with pain if it's not necessary. One thing I do know is that I don't want a c-section unless it's an emergency situation, which means that I really don't want to be induced. It seems the majority of induced births out here result in c-section, so I want my baby to come out when he's ready. 

With that being said, I am going to start trying all of those myths come Sept 1 to get him out! I do want him out closer to the Sept 6 due date than the 12 because I know my husband's time home is limited and I want him to have as much time with Ryan as he can. So Labor Day weekend will really be, "labor" day for me, because I'm going to start taking long walks, eating spicy foods, sex (sorry if that's tmi) and anything else that claims will kick my body into labor. If you have suggestions, I'm all for it! 

Our nursery is mostly set up. I'm going to pack the final necessities of my bag this weekend and we finally settled on our babies middle name! We're going classic, basic, not trendy: Ryan Matthew. It is INSANE to think that G and I may only have just 3 or 4 weekends left just the two of us. I love our time together so it's a sad thought to know that everything is going to change, and very soon. I'm excited, I'm ready, I'm feeling great! I just need to get through the next couple weeks, then I'll be ready to start pushing this little man into this big world.